A Guide for the the Doctor New-Comers

So recently I've been nerd-ing out everywhere.  Okay so not recently, BUT, I have been talking a lot of Who with friends lately.  Now, many of my friends do watch the show, but I keep coming across people I know would love it but fear it's epic cannon.  I mean, not counting the 20-something seasons of the original run of the show, we are 8 seasons deep.  That's a lot of binge watching.  I mean, for me, its a normal amount, but for the average layperson who doesn't crave watching hours of TV, it seems like it requires too much dedication to try.  So I've come up with my own list of Who episodes that include ALL the "new" Doctors (with the exception of the War Doctor but don't worry about that).  The sole purpose of this list is to whet your whistle with the whoniverse.  Every season has an over arching plot line that is more complicated than you'd think they could do with a limited number of episodes, so you'll have to go back and re-watch, but the idea of this list is just to get you hooked.

Blink- Season 3

A 10th Doctor (David Tennent) classic.  The reason I tell everybody to start with this episode is because it's very doctor light.  You learn about the Doctor through the eyes of Sally Sparrow (Carey Muligan) and her misadventures with the Weeping Angels.  This episode is also Time Travel light, so if your not into the timey-wimey explanation of things, this one is for you.

The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances- Season 1

The 9th Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) is not one of the most beloved, but whatever, he carried the weight of restarting a legendary series and I love him.  This is a two-part story and its worth watching back to back, but leave the lights on because it may scare this piss out of you.  This story is completely unrelated to the over-arch of season 1 so you can watch spoiler free.  These two episodes feel more like a movie than a tv show, with limited time travel and the introduction of the fabulous John Barrowman as Capatin Jack it is way way way worth the watch.

Vincent and the Doctor- Season 5

Matt Smith, aka, the 11th Doctor is a charming, childish and yet ancient man who carries the weight of his 900 some-odd years with a wink, a smile and a bow tie.  This episode is early in Matt's run and does contain some elements of the series over-arching plot, but I think its worth the potential spoiler.  The goofiness, kindness and pain of this doctor can all be seen beautifully in this episode.  And let me not forget to mention the brilliant performance of Tony Curran as Vincent Van Gogh.

The Mummy on the Orient Express- Season 8

Now, while I have been LOVING Peter Capaldi as the cantankerous 12th Doctor, I didn't enjoy series 8 overall.  The plots were all WAY to wrapped up in the Doctor's companion Clara (Jenna Louise Coleman) and I didn't feel we were giving the proper chance to really "meet" this new Doctor.  We just got a lot of Clara being cheeky and cute.  Because that's pretty much all she does.  Complaints aside, The Mummy on the Orient Express is a FUN episode that has way more of this new Doctor in it than most of the other episodes.  

The Unicorn and the Wasp- Season 4

I had to throw this in because it is probably my second favorite episode of Doctor Who (my first one being Midnight).  This episode showcases something none of the others listed do.  Humor.  Sure, there is inherent humor in this "meant for kids" show, but this episode is laugh out loud funny.  With my favorite companion Donna Noble (the hilarious Catherine Tate) bumbling about the 1920s with Agatha Christie (Fenella Woolgar).  There is one scene in particular that I will call "The Doctor Detox" that I can watch on loop without it ever losing its charm.

Please let me know what you think of the list, and feel free to comment on any Who Starter Pack episodes you feel should have been included.

7 Reasons to watch Orphan Black

With season 3 looming, it's time for me to urge any readers I may have to please, Pease, PLEASE watch this show.  The trailers have just not done justice to this tremendous sci fi show, so, I am going to give you 7 reasons you should give it a go.

7.  It's a fresh eye on Sci Fi

Okay, cloning isn't *new* in the sci fi world, anybody who has seen Moon could tell you that.  That being said, cloning has never been done quite like this before.  This is cloning in our world, in our time.  This isn't some futuristic alternate world, this is 2015 modern day life.  What would you do if in our day and age you found out you were somebody's science experiment?  Now a days in sci fi its all vampires, zombies and distopian futures.  Orphan Black feels new and exciting. 

6.  It starts with a BANG

Don't worry folks, this isn't a spoiler, this is actually in the season 1 trailer.  The whole show starts with a suicide.  Sarah Manning (for all intents and purposes the main clone) witnesses the suicide of a girl who looks exactly like her.  That's how the ball get's rolling.  Yep, less the 15 minutes into the first episode, somebody walks in front of a fucking train.  Choo Choo mother fucker.  According to the shows creators, the whole idea behind OB came from the question "What would you do if you saw somebody who looked exactly like you kill themselves".  It culminated in some awesome TV.

5.  Twists and Turns

I generally pride myself on seeing things coming.  I guessed the damn ending of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!  But OB keeps me guessin non-stop.  There is now way to predict what's coming next, nearly every episode has me saying something along the lines of "Whaaaaaaaaat" or "No wayyyyyyyy".  

4.  Awesome effects (for TV)

DO YOU SEE THAT!  ALLISON IS POURING COSIMA WINE!  No ladies and gents, do not look for shitty split scenes here, no we get an all out clone DANCE party.  They have done such a brilliant job, that I sometimes forget that it's all one actress.  Okay, sometimes it's not so effective, but I am loving VFX.

3.  FIERCE WOMAN

The woman on this show are INCREDIBLE.  Do they need men to protect them?  NOPE!  This is a cast of strong/smart/funny women who are taking shit into their own hands.  Even though several of the women are played by Tatiana, each of them is uniquely strong in their own way.  Never is there ever a feeling of "she is just a girl, she can't do it on her own."  Unlike Marvel's Agent Carter, the fact that these people have a vagina doesn't make them any less bad ass in ANYBODY'S eyes.

2.  Sexuality

This is not a solely cisgendered show  like everything else on TV.  Not only that but sexuality is NOT a big deal.  Sarah sleeps with men quite often over the course of the show and nobody ever calls her a slut or questions her choices.  She is just a sexually aware woman and there is no problem with that.  Cosima is a lesbian, Sarah's adoptive brother is gay and NONE of these things are major plot points.  It's just who they are.  And that's awesome.  There is no justifying or crudeness.  In season 2 we meet a transgendered clone, and again, no questions asked, he is just who he is and its fine.  It's probably what I love most about the show.  Gay, straight, bi, trans, queer, we are all just people.

1. Tatiana Manslany

This WOMAN!  This fucking woman!  WHY HAS SHE NOT WON ALL THE AWARDS?!  She plays so many characters so flawlessly that I often forget it's the same person.  Not only is she bananas amazing at accents, she embodies each character so fully it's hard to believe its:

 In several instances, one clone pretends to be another and I have (out loud) shouted at the TV "NO THAT'S NOT COSIMA IT'S SARAH!"  or "Aww no that Alison, don't fall for it!"  or "FUCK YOU RACHEL HOW DARE YOU."  And then I remember its all the same person.  And then pieces of my brain slide out my ear.

So, do you watch Orphan black?  If you do PLEASE comment and let me know what you love best about it.

Lady Gaga joins the cast of AHS and I have zero Poker Face

With a tweet my newsfeed was set ablaze with news that America's favorite little monster has joined the cast of American Horror Story, next season's journey being called "Hotel".  People are losing their MINDBALLS and as the resident AHS fan (or foe) among my friends people are hounding me with the "ISN'T THIS AWESOME" question and my response is a resounding "No.  No it isn't."

Gaga's Tweet

Now, if we were hit with this news after season 1 I would be all over it.  I really like Lady Gaga, I dressed as her for Halloween once for crying out loud.  I think her brand of weird works beautifully with the AHS brand and I think she is a good actor.  But after last years ridiculous amount of musical numbers and waaaayyyy too overpopulated cast, I can't help but cringe as I think on Gaga singing every episode as we cut between every major celeb the show can cram in.

The major AHS problem pretty much since season 2 is Ryan Murphy's need to shove as many celebs into the show has humanly (or budget-ly) possible.  A cast of A-Listers does not a good show (or movie, I'm looking at you Valentine's Day) make.  With too many characters and too many A-listers who need too much screen time, we have ended nearly every season with 80% of the cast DEAD simply because it is IMPOSSIBLE to tie up that many loose ends.  We also end up with sloppy and unnecessary cameos (I'm looking at you Mat Bomer and NPH) whose plot lines serve no purpose to the story, only to their careers.

Now look, after Lady Gaga KILLED it in what was an all around boring Academy Awards, it's hard to look past AHS' major flaws and say "omgLadyGagashesamonsersheisperfectahhhhh" because you can't breathe you are so excited.  BUT, unless they trim the fat a bit and drop their A-List from 37 to 5, home girl ain't getting no screen time.  And she deserves it.  Reports say the incomparable Jessica Lange will not be in the season, but they need to get rid of more that just her to bring the show back to it's humble roots.

And to all of you thinking:

Just know:

TIS THE SEASON... To binge watch

Happy holidays internet!  Welcome to the time of year where it's cold, you just want to stay inside.  You probably have a lot of time off from work and you will definitely be needing a break from the fam.  AKA the perfect time of year to cram in TV that it took other people years to watch.  Two years ago, I spent this magical time of year holed up in my apartment binging season after season of Doctor Who until I emerged that spring a brilliant sonic screwdriver wielding bow-tie wearing Whovian butterfly.  I never looked back.  But, dear reader, what SHOULD you be binge watching?  Maybe you gave up on a great show too soon, maybe you have been told a million times you should watch something but never did or maybe your watching the American version when you are wrong and should be watching the English.  Well no matter, here are my top 5 binge watch picks for this holiday/winter season from #5 you could probably skip this but it's worth trying to #1 if you aren't watching this you will die without knowing true entertainment.  Here we go.

5. Daredevil

Okay, so this comes AFTER the holidays, but what better way to bunker down during cold January days than to watch a blind vigilante kick some ass?  The best thing is that it's on Netflix, prime binge territory, especially since every episode is being released simultaneously.  I got a chance to see some clips at Comic Con and can I just say, the action sequences were MIND BLOWING.  I love Charlie Cox as Matt Murdock, he is a great actor (even if he broke my heart on Boardwalk Empire (whats in the boooxxxx)) and with Vincent D'Onofrio as Kingpin... I mean COME ON.  I'm in.

4.  Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D

Now look, I know a lot of you out there gave up this show pretty early on, and I FEEL you, but I promise it gets better!  The show followed a rocky "there's a bad guy- find the bad guy- beat the bad guy" format, but after the release of Captain American: Winter Soldier the show got mind blowingly good.  I want to keep the spoiler free, but the repercussions for what happens in Winter Soldier change everything and the good guy vs. bad guy structure gets blown to smithereens.  So, I suggest watching Winter Soldier, then skipping the the S.H.I.E.L.D episode that follows then catch up to the season two mid-season finale.  Then you'll be good to go for the rest of season two!

3. Sherlock

Unless you have been living under a rock, it is almost impossible not to run into somebody fan-gasming over this show.  Why?  Because it's fucking awesome.  Cumberbatch and Freeman have been absolutely made for the Sherlock/Watson combo and the showrunning team of Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss (who does double duty playing the umbrella wielding Mycroft brother of Sherlock) write the perfect balance of mystery, comedy and mind blowing tragedy.  And the BEST part of binging Sherlock is that there are only 9 episodes.  That's right, 3 seasons, 9 episodes.  Each episode is an hour and a half but trust me, it doesn't feel like that.  The problem?  When you finish be prepaired for the MASSIVE hole in your life as often years go by between seasons... see you in 2015 you sexy detective, I'll be waiting.

2.  Doctor Who

Okay, this is a bit of a meaty binge.  The show has been running for over 50 years now, but the beauty of it is that you only have to start at the reboot.  Once this show gets its claws dug in you'll go back and do the research, trust me.  Now, if you have a hard to easing into the show (it can be a bit much) I suggest a watching order for you to get into it nice and slow.

• Blink- Season 3, Episode 11.   This is a very Doctor light episode, there is very little time travel, but you really get the gist of whats going on (and how dark the show can get).
• Vincent and the Doctor- Season 5, Episode 10.  This is a fan favorite episode, showing the depth of emotion the Doctor has.  Yes, there a few bits you may not understand do to the through-line of the show, but it's a pretty stand alone episode.  And it'll probably make you cry.
• The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances- Season 1, Episodes 9 & 10.  These two are probably two of my all time favorites.  A great combination of pure terror and Christmas joy make these two episodes stand out as almost a great little movie if watched in succession. 

If your not hooked after those four episodes, I don't think Doctor Who is your show.  If you get hooked, can't wait to see your beautiful Whovian butterfly wings in the spring.

1.  Orphan Black

If you are not watching this show, close this window, google it and BINGE!  NOW!  BINGE NOW!  If you have NO idea what I am talking about, be ready to get your mind BLOWN.  The show which third season starts sometime this spring, is about a group of women who are self-aware clones.  Tatiana Maslany flawlessly plays 8 clones (so far) in such a way that you forget its the same person playing each role.  Sarah Manning is sort of the main character of this multi-character drama, with her sassy gay brother at her side, she learns to grapple with her guinea-pig status being one of the worlds first successful human clones.  Oh and did I mention that all of season one somebody is spending a lot of time and effort killing them off?  Yeah it's pretty epic.  If you are a science geek, sci-fy/fantasy nerd or just plain old enjoy great acting, please please I beg of you watch this show.  Here, let me just play you a little clip of this awesome (spoiler free promise)

I hope you enjoy this holiday/winter season!  As you can tell my strongest binge suggestion is Orphan Black, if your a fan PLEASE comment begging people to watch... Maybe Tatiana will FINALLY get the Emmy she deserves!!

American Horror Story Freak Show: A Rant and a Breakdown

So last week I didn't blog out of a mix of exhaustion and frustration.  The whole thing about the shows being linked has really been bugging me.  If you wanted to link the shows 1) Don't call it a miniseries and 2) recast season to season.  Whatever.  Moving on.

I feel like this season has ZERO surprise.  Honestly, nothing has blown my mind like the big rigor mortis Violet reveal.  I feel like I can pretty much predict at least a few things that will happen.

Prediction #1

The strong man will sleep with the con artist (the Denis O'Hare one).  The writers seem to be beating us over the head with the fact that O'Hare is gay, and a good chunk of last week's episode outed the Strong man.  What's a gay con artist to do in small town Florida?  Bang the strong man.

Prediction #2

The bearded Lady's death will out the Strong Man as Jimmy's father.  Subsequently one of them will kill the other.  Anger management issues have been well established.

Prediction #3

Matt Bomer is not dead.  Let's be real, its like when a famous person guest stars on Law and Order, you know they are the killer.  It seemed odd that no amount of stabbing or dismemberment killed the poor, sexy, sexy man.  Either Dandy realized the fun in this and decided to keep a dismembered zombie for fun OR Bomer is able to Doctor Who and regenerate back to his former self.

Prediction #4

O'Hare will ultimately be undone by Edward Mordrake and Twisty.  Mordrake seems to not only kill, but care about his brethren freaks.  It's been established that O'Hare's character has some sort of FREAKY deformity down by his man parts.  My guess is that in thanks for the great Halloween sacrifice of Twisty, Mordrake will come kill the double dong O'Hare... or whatever is going on in his downstairs mixup.

*NOTE:  I have finished typing up ALL of these predictions at 9:45pm.  If any come to pass or get nullified in tonight's episode I want it noted this was written pre-show

My other biggest problem with this season is that it just isn't HORROR.  Sure Twisty and Dandy are, but they don't take up enough of the show's time for it to sink in.  The bright colors are throwing me off, they are just not well done.  Tim Burton knows how to juxtapose color with creepy, think about how freaked out most people were by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Even his circus in Big Fish was creepier than the Freak Show.  And Elsa's tent is getting more and more ridiculous by the episode.  Come on... really.  REALLY.  *sigh*.  Here is my blow by blow of tonight's episode, Bulls Eye:

• "I take that ungrateful hydra dress shopping."  What a Jessica Lange line.
• "I liked Dora better."  Well maybe slitting your throat was a bad idea.
• The alcohol bottle sucker is the scariest thing on this show.
• MARRY THEM??!??!  

Oh yeah.  Incest.

• This is how I am making my friends give me presents from now on.  EVERYBODY LINE UP!  IT'S GIFT GIVING TIME!
• They did not make prosthetic legs that good back then.  Sorry, that feels like a serious inconstancy.
• Jimmy know's something up with the twins.
• Fuck yes!  Bed room scene with Matt Fraser!!!  I really really am loving EVERYTHING about him.
• WAIT WAS THE SMALL GIRL IN THE ROOM WHEN THEY WERE FUCKING!?  What is this show?  That's not horror that just weird.

• Oh DAYUM PAUL IS GETTING ALL THE ACTION!  Elsa, Meryl Streep's daughter.
• This bitch is ALWAYS happy.  Get real Bette.
• Dot looks like she is always 3 seconds away from murder.
• What the fuck, Dot is one sick bitch.  Killing her sister, fuck.
• If Matt Fraser is in next season I may consider watching.
• Somebody just kill Dandy.  He went from scary to annoying right quick.
• I HATE these imaginings of the con artists.
• Great,  Another fucking song.  At least this one is period.
• Is anybody else finding this episode super boring?
• "Even your sister didn't want you anymore."  Pepper allegedly murdered her sisters baby.  Connection.
• Elsa deserves an academy award.
• Trust me by letting me throw knives at you!

• This is going to be bad.  I am more nervous because I know what's going to happen than I am scared.
• Saw that coming.
• That moment you realize tonight's show is 13 minutes longer.  I have to sit through 13 more minutes.

• Wait, O'Hare is making her do this by herself!??!!
• That CGI smoke was ridiculous.
• How the hell many days is Elsa's birthday?
• "If Elsa says the twins ran aufff the the twins ran aouuuufff."  That accent.
• Dandy is yelling again and I have checked out.
• Is it me or does Jimmy look weirdly tan.  Like he is wearing too much makeup.
• IS THIS EPISODE THE FUCKING STORY HOUR?!?  WE KNOW YOU ALL HAD SAD LIVES I GET IT.
• Whoever applied Kathy Bates beard was not prepared for HD closeups.

And its over. 

AHS: Edward Mordrake... Part 2

*Sigh*  Another 2 parter just like Anne Frank during Asylum.  This show needs a totally fresh cast... and maybe a new show runner.  What to look forward to tonight?  Hopefully some more Twisty as that is the only plot I can get behind.  What not to look forward to in tonight's episode?  Whatever tragically out of place musical number Murphy has added to torture me with.  That's right.  I now take these musical numbers personally.  *SIIIIIGGHHH*  Here we go...

• What in Sweet baby Jesus' name is Wes Bently's accent

• I like the idea of hearing every "freak's" back story.
• Mat Fraser is AWESOME.  I would like to see him in another season, he is an AWESOME actor.
• I guess we are not going to hear about how Pepper drowned a baby?
• I'm confused... is Jessica Lange considered a freak by Mordrake?
• "It is your delusional ignorance" oh SNAP.  You do not talk to Miss Lange like that you fool.
• Oh snap, is "Esmeralda" going to get killed by Mordrake for being a liar liar pants on fire?
• I keep forgetting Twisty is capturing kids... I didn't realize he wasn't feeding them.  Didn't the girl have gruel?
• Twisty's physicality is amazing.

• That girl just strait up kicked some ass,
• AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH WHAT CAN BE SCARIER THAN BEING CHASED BY THAT
• Evan Peters and beau go to save the day?
• Woah!  HBO sex
• Who needs botox when there is CGI
• RITCHY RICH!  OH FUCK!  EVAN!!!!! 
• Wait... why have we not heard the giant woman's story.  IS SHE GOING TO END UP DEAD????  omg I hope not I love her.
• "I made men ejaculate gold."
• Is Lange about to be snuff filmed???
• THIS IS HORROR STORY!  THIS IS THE MOST HORRIFYING THING THEY HAVE DONE
• "She's the one."  It's a bit early for Lange to part.
• What.  Is.  Happening.
• YES!  We are going to hear Twisty's story!
• I am guessing the mouth is an attempted/botched suicide or somebody tried to kill him.
• Why is "Esmeralda"being so helpful?  I thought she was a cold hearted con artist.
• Im not gunna comment here, I need to know this.
• This story is BREAKING my HEART

Watching him talk in that sad little voice though that gaping hole BROKE me

• I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• NO!!!!!!!! TWISTY! YOU WERE THE BEST PART OF THIS SHOW.
• fuck,
• They did it again.  They ended he best story line too soon.  Just like the demon in Asylum,
• Gross that mask is filthy.

• You stand on your soap box Lobster Boy, you tell them bout Meep.
• Until I saw her pouring coffee... I forgot about Angela Bassett
• Aw look, all the people heard about what Jimmy did and accept him.  Gooble Gobble.
• Honestly I am really upset this isn't the last episode.  THIS is the AHS problem, they end it perfectly 7 episodes too soon and then have a season to finish.  Without Twisty, this season is useless.
• I smell a musical number coming.  Great.
• Now that Ritchy Rich is "Twisty" he can kill I bet.
• And boom goes the dynamite.

I am calling this the BEST/WORST episode.  If this was the season finally and there weren't 200 extaneous plots, this would have been the best AHS episode, second only to the Violet reveal season 1.  But now.  AHS has to take things to far and end things too soon.  The snuff film and Twisty bits were true horror.  I was creeped out, which isn't easy.  But with Twisty gone, Dandy will NOT be able to fill those shoes.  I just don't care about any of these characters or plots that are left.  Oh American Horror Story, you done screwed the pooch again.  I shall begrudgingly finish the season.  Thank GOD there was no musical number.

AHS: Edward Mordrake

Edward Mordrake eh?  What an interesting title/character... JUST LIKE SEASON TWO'S ANNE FRANK EPISODES.  GAH!  This show just lives to irk me and I love to let it.  Okay, Anne Frank is an extremely iconic figure (who probably shouldn't have been touched in the first place), but in the history of "freaks" Mordrake is a well known figure.  For anybody who doesn't know, Mordrake is a famous "freak" who appears to be more urban legend that actual fact.  According to the story, Mordrake, a young handsome heir to some title or other had a second face on the back of his head.  This second head apparently whispered evil things to Mordrake who eventually committed suicide.  This "actual historical figure" this just feels a lot like something AHS has already done.

Edward Mordrake

In other news, here are my theories on Twisty.

1. He used to work at the Freak show and due to some terrible tragedy he either was shot in the face or tried to commit suicide,
2. He is Lange's son and whatever destroyed her legs (my thoughts bombs in Berlin during WWII) destroyed his face.

Anyhow, it's just started raining.  What perfect timing!  Time to settle down and watch.

• Little Roberts is back!  But more importantly DENNIS O'HARE IS BACK!!!!!!!

• Video killed the Freak show.  Guess people would rather watch Ed Sullivan.
• Remember last year when O'Hare was doing naughty things to Roberts corpse?  Yeahhhh I really do stay by my belief tht next year should have a completely rebooted cast.
• Oh God his little girl is already afraid of clowns, that's like the scariest of them all.
• Is this "Trick or Treat" scene reminding anybody else of Hocus Pocus

• FYI somebody wrote an article about Bates weird accent
• Aw the Doctor is so sweet to the Bearded Lady.
• "I'm not crying because I'm gunna die, I'm crying cuz your the one doctor to treat me with respect."  *heart breaks*
• So, no freak performs on Halloween just like in season 1 ghosts could leave the house.  
• How did Mordrake get a knife??
• FYI this is a totally different than the Mordrake story I've heard.
• Hey Kathy, I can see your lace front.  Sort that out hair and makeup.

• That's a damn good Woody Woodpecker Patti Labelle
• Uh-oh Patti I would not piss Ritchie Ritch off.
• Poor Meep :(
• Aw, Roberts and Peters are real life lovvahhss.  Wonder if that will play into this season.
• Oh thank God the "head removal" between Dot and Bette is just a dream.  I was worried.
• "I was having the most beautiful dream" what the actual FUCK Dot.
• The fortune telling scene where Roberts "reads her mark" was very interesting
• I love that Elsa is rocking a kimono while smoking opium.
• Angela Bassatt you are EVERYTHING

• I wasn't sure if she was jerking off her boy parts or her husbands.
• "You've got a beard for starters."  That's pretty mild for considering you went to 3 titties and a weenie.
• Why is this a plot?  I do not car about the strong man and the bearded lady.  This is way too long a scene.
• OMG the smallest girl scaring the tallest girl is the most ADORABLE scene I have ever seen.
• Oh God, Ritchie Ritch dressed as a clown is gunna kill LaBelle!!!
• Why do people taunt killers?
• The way "Esmeralda" wouldn't touch lobster boy's hand.
• Oh DAYUM son O'Hare is channeling Russell Edgington.

• Jimmy's rage seems to be the most over the top thing in the world.
• So... I guess O'Hara is a bit of a freak himself?  Double dong?
• This poor little girl is so afraid of clowns... but I am sorry that clown HAS to smell bad.  You have GOT to smell him before you see him.
• Soooo Dot is a total D-Bag.  Good for Sarah Paulson, she gets to go less screaming and hysterical crying this year.
• ....another...fucking...out of time tune.  THERE ISNT EVEN AN AUDIENCE.  GOD I HATE YOU RYAN MURPHY!!!!!!!!!  This actually makes me want to stop watching.

Even Tumblr. agrees

• So even though Esmerelda isn't real, Mordrake comes in all tall dark and handsome with a serious hard on for Elsa?  I'm calling it now, Kathy Bates ends up dead after this 2 episode arc.  You know what else had a two episode arc?  Anne Frank during Asylum.
• Oh shit, ANOTHER WEIRD ACCENT.  WTF IS THIS EDWARD MORDRAKE ACCENT??
• Why am I watching the trial of two weird accents?
• Ok so it isn't Kathy Bates... is it Dot?  The freak who doesn't want to be?
• Honestly, Ritchie Ritch is scarier than Twisty.

So that's it.  I'm so mad at Ryan Murphy I have no more to say.