Gotham: A freshman show with a few problems

When Fox announced the Gotham, naturally I was curious.  I've never been a DC fan, but I've always  enjoyed watching Batman in media.  I grew up watching the 1960s Batman on reruns, I adored both of Tim Burton's Batman movies and finally Christopher Nolan's brilliant Dark Night trilogy.  I'm skipping over every Batman movie in between because I either didn't see it or hated it.  Anyway, I would not call myself a Batman expert, I've never read a comic, I don't obsess over it at random times (like I would with Doctor Who or something) but I enjoy the character and his villains.  So I knew I would watch.  I am now 5 episodes and and I am struggling to keep watching, but I have a rule to give everything one season.  Initially, I wasn't a fan of Sleepy Hollow, I was going to cut it loose and then got slammed with a brilliant season finale.  I would now count myself a fan of the show.  So, I decided to boil down my unease with Gotham into what I would consider three glaring issues.  If some of them are resolved end of season, I would be happy to come back as a season 2 viewer.

Are you Campy or are you Serious?

Gotham seems to be unsure of whether it wants to go 1960s camp or super serious Christopher Nolan.  There seems to be a huge disparity between the violence and the goofy almost slapstick moments.  We get very silly comedy with over the top brawl scenes at the GCPD station, the bumbling cop moments (well performed by Donal Logue), the cartoonish-ly villainous villains (I'm look at you Jada trying to channel Eartha Kitt and failing) mixed with some serious gang drama, over the top scenes of violence and a very stoic James Gordon who seems to be the only close to real life character on the show.  So what are you?  Am I supposed to take you super seriously as a prime time drama or am I supposed to roll my eyes and go "oh you" as people are murdered via weather balloon?  Seriously, I'm not sure, I am a very confused viewer.

I think the biggest issue here may be the Gotham's time slot.  You can't get away with things at 8pm that you can at 10 pm.  Actually, Gotham may have been better suited on something like HBO that would allow the optimal amount of sex and violence the show feels like it needs to be taken seriously.  I was actually shocked when Fox announced the 8pm slot.  Kids watch TV at 8 pm.  Maybe that's the reason for the camp-factor on the show, but it doesn't appeal to me as a viewer.  I want all or nothing, if you want to be campy, that's fine just immerse the show in it.  Otherwise, cut the camp and give me gritty drama, but this weird mixture leaves me feeling torn on how I felt each episode.

Too may characters and teases

If your a writer on a show, you should write knowing that you could have many seasons ahead of you!  Heck, if you do well on network, you can expect early renewals and hopefully the promising life of hitting at least the 100 episode mark.  Yet in the pilot alone, the show has introduced and teased SO many of the villains in the Batman universe it almost got frustrating.  Especially since we have seen so little of anybody but the Penguin (which is fine with me he is brilliant but I will get back to that).  In the pilot alone we met:

• The Wayne's murderer 
• Catwoman
• The Pengiun
• Poison Ivy (who got a name change)
• Fish Mooney
• The Riddler
• Carmine Falcone

On top of that, it looks like they will be teasing Scarecrow next week.  Gotham, clam your tits.  I know you are trying to show the beginning of a universe, but there is no reason to dangle juicy bits in front of us only to take them away.  There are a LOT of Batman villains, plus the ones you've added that don't originate in the world of the comics.  Lets stick to one history lesson at a time.  I am happy to watch the story arc of the Penguin and the gangs of Gotham without the little peppered in moments with Nigma and Kyle.  And where the hell did Poison Ivy go?  She was in the pilot, she even got her own poster!  This is what happens when you bombard nerds with things.  We ruminate.  Meanwhile, we are getting this huge young Bruce Wayne plot, but I never expected to see that.  Not to mention the 10 year old is way too smart for a kid who doesn't seem to go to school or receive any sort of schooling at all.  All I ask is that you pare it back a bit.  To be honest, all anybody wants to see is the Joker, but I think that's a character that can really wait.  Let us have some time to munch on these other characters first.

Seemingly unnecessary plot lines

Also, why does Gordon live behind a clock face?  

Gotham is has some extremely heavy handed, complicated plot lines in place.  The show really doesn't need anything more than the episodic plots, layered with the serialized "the mob runs Gotham" plot.  But adding in extraneous plots have made the show feel choppy.  The story arc I have the biggest problem with is the Barbara Kean/Detective Montoya plot.  It is such a thin story it feels like the writers are struggling to keep it interesting.  Montoya's character is cartoonish-ly hateful of Gordon, though she has no actual proof of anything.  It seems they are trying to chalk it up to her past relationship with Barbara, but seriously?  That's like, stalker territory.  Thankfully that plot was missing from last night's episode, but I am sure it will come back.  Lucky us.

The other plot I'm finding irksome is the Fish Mooney/Liza plot.  I like the idea of that story, but we spent a LOT of time focusing on Fish teaching Liza.  The scenes were awkward, and Liza's motives are utterly unclear as she doesn't seem to give a shit about anything.  I'm interested to see where it goes, but I really hope they speed it up because it felt like it was rolling along at a snails pace.

Now, to talk about the one thing Gotham has absolutely gotten right.  Casting Robin Lord Taylor as the Penguin was a stroke of PURE GENIUS.  I nearly gave up on the show after episode 2, but I just knew I would miss the Penguin.  They could do whole episodes around this Professor Quirrell type character and I would be fine.  The show could be called "The Penguin" for all I cared.  I love everything about him, the wobbly way he walks, the oddly formal way he talks, give me all Penguin all the time.  Honostly, he really is the one anchor holding me to the show, I just want to watch Taylor perform because whatever he is doing he is doing RIGHT.

So those are my thoughts, feel free to comment especially if you disagree!

AHS FREAK SHOW: Massacres and Matinees

I'm back people!  I meant to blog about episode 1, but it was the day before Comic Con here in NY and I was focused on conserving energy.  So, American Horror Story Freak Show.  Probably the most excited I've been since finishing season one.  If you've followed my blog on the previous AHS iterations, you would know I have been disappointed since Murder House.  I didn't mind Coven, but it's ending was heart-wrenchingly disappointing.  But a FREAK SHOW, oh the possibility!  Anybody who knows me, knows that I am obsessed with the Freak Show culture.  I have books, the movie Freaks is one of my favorites, I've gone to the Coney Island Freak Show, the musical Sideshow is top 15 on my favorite musicals list, are you getting the gist?  When the announcement came out, I was going off the walls with excitement, but I had one big fear.  I didn't want AHS to make the Horror come from the "freaks" because that is not where the fear should come from.  What we should fear is how awful able bodied people could be to those who are different.  But I have to stand up and applaud Ryan Murphy for casting actual disabled people in the show and not only relying on special effects and makeup.

Now we are one episode deep and it's still way to early to tell, but I'm going to give you a quick pro/con list.

Pros:

• Dot and Bette.  I didn't think that effect would work, but damn son.
• The throw backs to the movie Freaks... just dont go too far an flat out copy it.
• The overall look of the show.  The colors contrasted with the darkness, perfect for the creep show vibe.
• Jessica Lange playing something other than a bitchy overpowering woman.
• The big reveal of Jessica Lange's missing legs.
• THAT MOTHERFUCKING TERRIFYING FUCKING CLOWN.  That was SCARY and AMAZING and exactly what this show should be

Cons:

• How quickly it was revealed Dot and Bette actually killed their mother.
• That weird fingering lady party... that was gross.
• Kathy Bates accent.
• The really sudden and obviously set up for the season murder of that detective.
• How much time they focused on Bette and Dot even though their story didn't seem to go anywhere after an hour and a half.
• The obvious problem of TOO MANY CHARACTERS again
• And this last one, listen people, its very important:  RYAN MURPHY YOU SON OF A BITCH.  THIS IS NOT GLEE.  DO NOT PUT AND ENTIRE SONG WITH A DREAM SEQUENCE IN.  THIS.  IS.  NOT.  GLEE.  I actually watched the scene and said "Oh?  are we going to hear the whole... yeah she is going to sing the whole song.

Over all, I wasn't bowled over by episode 1, but the clown is worth watching.  And now, for my live blog of episode 2.  You people ready?  Here we go:

• I still don't get why lobster boy killed the detective.  Just because he accused the twins of a murder the did commit?  

• How does Elsa have such a bitchin' tent when they have no money?
• God Dot and Bette really are a cool effect.
• Empty creepy toy shop.  Never a good sign.
• Anybody remember the movie "Toys"?  Bloody robot foot prints is too cheesy, even for me.
• GAH THAT GOD DAMN CLOWN
• I think this may be my favorite opening.  I am trying to pay close attention to it, Murphy hinted there were hidden secrets in the opening, much like the Coven opening showing that Sarah Paulson's character would be supreme.  I'll have to keep and eye on tumblr.  Those guys and gals always have the best theories.
• "Kill the copper" sounds a LOT like "Gooble Gobble."  Watch out or your going to have to give the movie Freaks a lot more credit.
• This whole "Woops, I killed a cop" and "its okay he said we were freaks" convo seems a little ridiculous.  They really rushed this whole murder plot.  Did they open the show with a shark jump?
• Did Francis Conry get a new accent since the first episode?
• IS RITCHIE RICH DRINKING A BOOZE FROM A NIPPLE?!?!

• Uh oh is Ritchie Rich also a serial killer?  Choppin' up cats doesn't look so good.
• Oh great.  More characters.  Just what this show doesn't need.  Even if one of them has got Tig-ol-Biddies.
• What is in Angela Bassett's water?  She is fabulous.
• Oh, good.  Another murder.  Just what this show needs.  Is this going to be a "like father like son" thing?
• Three titties AND a ding-a-ling.  How exciting.

• I love how when Francis Conroy asks Murder Clown if he does parties he gives a look like "Is this bitch serious?"
• This show jumps from plot to plot quicker that a kid with ADHD hopped up on sugar.
• What the hell is this rich boy character.  I don't understand why this is happening.
• I get scared literally every time that clown is on screen.
• WHAT IS KATHY BATES WEIRD ACCENT?!
• Wow... young Kathy Bates looked nothing like Bates has ever looked in her life.
• OMG That Bette is SO CUTE.  Even if she did slit her Mother's throat.
• I hate that Dot is falling in love with Lobster Boy because I feel like he is going to turn out to be a real ass hat.
• Evan Peters, why do you have to be such a cutie patootie.  I love your handsome face.
• Holy fuck these play room scenes with the clown and Ritchie Rich are going to kill me.  I think even the clown is freaked out
• Why is Pepper on this show?  Don't get me wrong, it's a great character, but the through line of the show now makes NO sense, especially since the same actors are in Asylum with her.

• Talk about Daddy issues... wait does Lobster Boy even know Strong Man his is daddy?  This seems unclear.
• Something is also painfully sad about Killer Clown whose name is apparently Twisty.
• HOLY FUCK THAT MOUTH!  Oh that make up was fantastic, I want to see it again, rewind.
• So, Ritchy Rich is some kind of psycho.
• "See where he's got you billed?"  "He's got to go."
• Who plays the Geek?  Can somebody find that out for me?  He looks like the actor from Doctor Who's "Tooth and Claw."
• NO.  NO.  THIS IS NOT GLEE.  STOP.  STOP THIS.  THIS SONG IS NOT FROM THE TIME PERIOD AND THERE WERE NO MOSH PITS THEN.  NO.  NO.  NO.  I AM ENRAGED.  RYAN MURPHY YOU ARE THE STEVEN MOFFAT OF AMERICAN TV.
• ARE WE GOING TO HEAR THIS WHOLE SONG???
• Is this an hour and a half again?  I have to go to bed.
• I smell a frame up job
• Oh snap, a double betrayal.

• Oh sure, blame the Geek.  Just cuz he bites heads off chickens.
• OMG.  This is TOO awful, I feel SO BAD for this poor guy.  Heart BROKEN.
• Jessica Lange up to her old bitchy ways.  Turning Bette against Dot.
• There is no way Bette thinks killing Dot is an option.
• It's after 11!  We can say Shit now!
• OH NO!  POOR MEEP!  Episode 2 and Im already heart broken.  Meep is exactly the kind of horror story I am looking for with Freak Show.  People who don't understand are the monsters.

This would have been a great episode, but nooooooo they had to go and put in a weird unrealistic untrue to the time musical number in.  Ugh.  Next week's Halloween episode has potential, but if there is another weird musical number ima be pissed.

The 12th Doctor: Math wiz?

So, it's been a while since I've blogged, work/play/life has been getting in the way as they are want to do.  First off let me say, BRAVO on the Peter Capaldi casting.  I don't seem to be going through the same "who is this guy and why should I like him" thing that I've gone through with every regeneration (yes including Tennant, how can I trust a doctor who cant get out of a coma?)  He opened his Scottish accented mouth and I say "Yes."  This sort of acerbic, scathingly funny doctor is a welcome change from two back to back goofy charmers.  Not that 12 isn't charming, he is just charming in a "I'd always like to be on his good side" kind of way.  I just adore him!  He even elevated my opinion of Clara, now that she isn't the doe eye puppy love of 11.  She actually is developing a personality beyond being in love with the Doctor.

Kinda TARDIS-y?

Alright, enough Capaldi love, time to get to the meat of this thing.  We are already getting lots of hints about the over all story arc here, the connection to the mysterious Missy and the promise land/paradise/heaven.  Speculating on it this too early would be pointless, but my favorite theory is that Missy is a TARDIS.  But I don't want to speculate too much as Doctor Who tends to absolutely pull the rug out from under its fans (River Song is Melody Pond?!)  What I am more interested in is 13's relationship with his past and time.

That time the Doctor went all Beautiful Mind of us

In one of the billion interviews Calpaldi has done promoting this new incarnation, he offhandedly said that his Doctor has a "unique relationship with time."  This is the most interesting nugget of information we've gotten from the tight lipped Scott.  We see in his very first episode "Deep Breath" 12 is sprawling some Galifreyan math all over the damn floor after sniffing out some chalk.  Chalk the presumably was planted by Missy, because why would their be chalk in a bedroom.  So far in every episode that has proceeded "Deep Breath" we have seen some sort of chalk board covered in strange markings.  What is the Doctor doing?  What does all of this math mean.  Certainly Moffat wouldn't keep showing these images without some kind of purpose.  That sly devil always has a purpose!  Also, is it just me or is this doctor the best at flying the TARDIS.  With the exception of is Glasgow screw up, he seems to be getting Clara exactly where she wants/needs to be.  Does this have something to do with the Doctors new interest in theory?

Beyond 12's beautiful mind math, time seems to be catching up with him in all sorts of odd ways.  First off- the face.  The Doctor knows he has seen this face before.  Because he has.  In Pompeii.  The Scottish accent, apparently taken from Amy Pond, his old companion and final hallucination before regeneration.  The clockwork robots connected to the Madame Du Pompadour ship 10 came across in "The Girl in the Fire Place."  And was it me or did that crack in the Dalek look strikingly like the crack in Amy's bedroom???  Could this have something to do with 11 entering his own time stream?  Is the new regeneration cycle messing with the Doctor's time line?  And isn't it interesting that he finds himself once again with his good old friends Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax who he spent quite a lot of time with as 11?  Speaking of those three, would somebody just GIVE them a spin-off already?  Seriously we all want it.

So what do YOU think?  What is going on with the Doctor and this whole new Timey Wimey craziness?  Whats with the Galifreyan theorems, the new face, the Scottish accent, the reoccurring characters?  WHAT IS HAPPENING!

American Horror Story Finale: The Seven Wonders

So I read a cool theory on tumblr about who the next supreme may be.  Apparently, when Sarah Paulson's (Cordilia) name pop's up on the opening credits, the picture that appears next to it is a saint known in Folk Catholicism as "The Lady of Seven Powers".  Would they really be so bold as to hang this in front of us since DAY ONE?  Yes.  They probably would.  I had wondered in my last blog why Cordelia had counted herself out as the next supreme... maybe she shouldn't have?

Since the beginning of this blog, I insisted that Misty would be the next supreme.  I don't think I'm right, they will probably throw us a curve ball, like the baby Laveau stole is the new supreme.  You know it won't be something simple.  Probably they're all going to die.  I mean, die die, not die but then come back 10 time die.  Welp here it goes, last live blog of coven:

• The camera was tiled for the entirity of this show.
• Oh... wait... Am I watch a music video from the early 90s?  Because that's kind of what this feels like.
• Wait, did Stevie Nicks write a song for this show?  I'm not that familiar with her stuff.

• RYAN MURPHY.  STOP TRYING TO MAKE THIS GLEE.  
• Awww, Queenie is reaching out to Nan.
• Myrtle Snow, you ate SHIT and loved it, now you are serving caviar.
• REALLY!  REALY?!  A LAST SUPPER TABLEAU?  REALLLLYYYY?!?  You can't have a nice conversation like that.
• Why is Misty even still there?  The witch hunters are gone, she isn't running from anybody.
• They ALL grabbed KNIVES last week to kill the jazzman.  We know they can do this.
• What was the actual point of Zoe's killer vagina?
• HEY QUEENIE STOP HITTING YOURSELF!
• Bahahaha Evan Peter's face is HILARIOUS during mind control.

• WHAT THE HELL!  SINCE WHEN CAN CORDELIA DO THAT?!?! SHE JUST FLUNG KYLE ACROSS THE DAMN ROOM!
• That is one impressive time turner... night night girls... don't die.  Again.  Well for some of you.

• Cordilia looks like a mobster's wife.

• Ladies, Queenie has done this already.
• OHHHHHHHH DIG AT THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!!!  

• Ooooh I love Tassia's whiny cry.
• Aw, Misty is so sweet, she is just a good girl who got caught up in this nonsense.
• Uh-oh.  I think Misty may be dead meat.
• NOOOO MISTY!!!!! I WAS SO WRONG! NOOOOOOO NOOO!!!!!!!!!!  Wow was I off base.
• OHHH Zoe is a transmuting biotch.
• Aww they look they are actually having FUN playing transmu-tag.
• Oh gosh.  ZOE!!!  WITHOUT MISTY WHO WILL SAVE HER???
• AW MAN!  Queenie is trying so hard to save her!
• If Madison is supreme I am OUT.
• AW KYLE!  I just want Evan Peters to LOVE me!!
• Oh man, did Tumblr get it RIGHT?!
• IS CORDELIA MAKING QUEENIE EXERCISE?!?!? BWAHAHAHAHAHA
• Cordelia dies, boom commercial break.  You KNOW she is going to see all the people who really died on this show.
• Damn, Cordie is smooth.
• "Who knew the test came with braille"
• Uh-oh Madison can't divine.
• Bye bye Madison.  You will not be missed.
• Kyle is gunna kill this bitch sooooo hard.
• "You're not that good an actress."  Best kill line ever.
• Is it weird that Evan Peters is killing his real life fiance?
• Wait... can't it still be Zoe?  She never finished the seven wonders, she died by accident.
• YES! PREVIEW FOR BATES MOTEL!!!!!!
• Annnnd Madison is dead again.
• AHHHHH SPALDING!  Why you so creepy?!  Even as a ghost!  With your doll hand and mumble mouth.
• Wait, why can Kyle see Spalding?
• Cordie has her EYES back!
• The camera spinning is making me sick.
• Wasn't this EXACTLY how last season ended?  Sarah Paulson getting interviewed?

• So your saying, being a witch is like being gay.  Got it.
• Well, I was annoyed with Cordelia all season, but suddenly I love her.
• OH GOSH!  Is Myrtle going to KILL Cordelia??? 
• WAIT MYRTLE WANTS TO BE KILLED???
• Well, I guess if you're going to go out, you better be fucking fabulous when you do it.  
• This is just murder again, how does this resolve anything?
• Did Myrtle just scream "Balenciaga"?
• Did they cut Zoe's speech?  She had one in the preview...

• Also... what was the point of casting Patti Lupone... she was hardly in it and didn't even SING.
• Look at all the witches!  This place is going to be like Hogwarts!
• Would you really trust Queenie or Zoe?  They are both backstabbing biotches.
• Well DAMN, Mama's still alive!
• If this is a TWIST ending where Cordelia is killed by Fiona.  Ugh.
• How did Fiona deteriorate so quickly?
• Fiona:  A better actress then Madison.
• THIS IS HOW FIONA KILLED MADISON THE FIRST TIME!
• I do not trust this "weak" Fiona.  I am waiting for the twist.
• A neck snap maybe?
• WAS THIS ALL A DREAM BECAUSE FUCK THAT.
• Oh, whew, she's just in hell.... or heaven?  Nope, hell, she dead.
• Ew, did Kyle just become Spalding?
• I want all of the hats on this show.
• Was this show just a long commercial for Stevie Nicks new album???

This season had so much potential but I think it fell a bit short with its repetition and large cast.  So many plot lines fell by the wayside as nothing more than filler.  In my opionion, NOTHING has lived up to season 1... but this came close.  Some teasers for next season started leaking... either AHS Carnival or Circus which would be BOSS!  It's probably a huge hoax but I LOVE THE IDEA OF A FREAK SHOW!  ONE OF US GOOBLE GOBBLE!  Because I want it so much its probs fake.

The Doctor's New Look... meh.

So a few months ago, when Peter Capaldi was announced as the new Doctor, I wrote a blog post about the many fashions of Doctor Who (as can be read here: http://thedefinitionofnerd.blogspot.com/2013/08/we-have-new-doctor-but-nobody-is-asking.html).  Welp, yesterday the first photo of Capaldi's costume was released.... and I was really... really underwhelmed.  And also, kind of disappointed that they released the look so early.  That's probably due to the boom in the show's popularity keeping something as simple as a costume under wraps is probably near impossible, thanks to paparazzi and off set lurkers filming with cell phones.  In fact, Capaldi's casting was leaked nearly 2 days before the big reveal (those most people wrote it off a speculation).  It's always been nice to see the Doctor carefully picking out his outfit, finding his look and debuting it to his companion.  

First off, let me say I am genuinely truly excited to see Capaldi's Doctor, as I respect him as both an actor and a fellow Whovian... but the costume.  Meh.  Maybe it's because Matt Smith gave us such and ICONIC look that following it was doomed, but Capaldi's costume seems lacking, much like Chris Eccleston's to be honest.  It's missing an a signature piece, because not much can really be said for a red silk lined black coat.  I mean, its cool, but it's no bowtie and suspenders or pinstriped suit with converse.  And speaking of converse, what are those SHOES?!  No.  It kind of looks like the Doctor, if the Doctor was Dracula... or Frankenstein.

Well, Clara seems to like it.

Maybe it's just that we haven't seen the outfit in action, flapping in the wind as the Doctor runs from his latest foe, OR they are still waiting to reveal an element of it (I'm hoping for a pocket watch or SOMETHING).  Thankfully, we have not seen what the sonic screwdriver NOR the Tardis will look like, and I pray it's something they are able to keep quiet, I would like to be surprised.

I really cannot wait for new episodes to start, I think Capaldi is going to blow us all away, even if his costume doesn't.  I also can't wait to see how Clara interacts with the "older" Doctor.  Here's to the Doctor's long x13 life!

GO TO HELL! American Horror Story Coven

So before tonight's episode, I was doing the dishes and thinking about Nan.  AHS has the habit of adding totally pointless characters, maybe to distract you, maybe because they over write their scripts, but either way, I refuse to believe Nan served so little of a purpose.  She has a full story arc with Patti Lupone and that hottie christian boy.  You don't use a favorite past actress like Jamie Brewer and an epic theatre goddess like Lupone for no reason at all.  Here's to hoping that there is more to that plotline.  I also just want to say, that while this season isn't the disaster last season was, its just missing that all out creep factor of season one.  I mean, there were nights I couldn't sleep after watching an episode, let alone be alone in my apartment.  Don't get me wrong, I like this season, but it lacked some of the horror element of American Horror Story.  It started out strong, but just sort of became lacking and predictable.  My thought for next season:  Much, much smaller cast.  Season 1 was essential only FIVE essential characters... six if you count Moira.  We have close to NINE main characters this season, which is better than last seasons 450.

• Weird silent movie opening... does not feel like a good sign.
• This is not how I imagined we would learn about the seven wonders
• While I respect the truthfulness to silent film tech... BUT I don't see the point in this over stylized nonsense.
• "Half baked beetlejuice."  Yes.  Yes.  That is EXACTLY what he is.  This is the best line ever, that may be because Beetlejuice is one of my all time favorite movies.
• Jeeze Cordelia, at least put on some glasses.

No girl.   You don't understand you look worse now

• Okay, so times of crisis EVERYBODY gets new powers, you should have mentioned that earlier
• Bitch, she find out you brained Misty.  I really am over Madison.
• Wait, how does Cordilia even still have eyeballs at all?  She gouged them out.
• Is Marie chopped up in itty bitty bits?  Cuz that's a genius way of getting rid of her.
• QUEENIE!  You don't have any cocaine!!  PAPA LEGBA LOVE COCAINE!

• What, dafuq, is going on with Queenie.

• The spirit of Jazz wants some fried chicken!  Seriously, he is the spirit of jazz.

WATCH THE MIGHTY BOOSH

• Broils (aka Lance Reddick) is AWESOME as this character
• OH LAWD!  Marie is all cuts up!
• BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  LaLaurie is giving her OWN house tours!  I love the new do girl!  You looks like Kathy Bates now.
• Woah, Queenie is looking kind of thug life looking at LaLaurie.
• LaLaurie, are you going to kill a white person?  Does that make you less racist?
• Oh wait, no, she's still alive.
• HAHAHAHAHAHA LaLaurie is commiserating with Paula Deen.  Brill.
• LaLaurie's little speech about how easily we forgive is brilliant and true.  People only apologize because they get caught
• Woah.  That was an epic amount of blood coming out of LaLaurie
• Ok, so Fiona is still dying.
• Man those eye contacts are wickedly good.  Bravo makeup department.
• OH SHIT!  DID CORDELIA JUST PROPHESIZE THEY WOULD ALL END UP DEAD???  BY FIONA'S HAND!?
• Fiona's gunna break the jazzman's heart?  That seems unwise.
• Misty is still alive?  Just chillin in that grave?
• How come Cordelia is out of the running for supreme?  They keep talking about all of the younger girls, but why can't Cordie?
• Wooo!  Misty is back!
• I fucking love how Myrtle talks passively aggressively to EVERYBODY

• AH!  Zoe is back!  Awww her and Kyle love each other so much.
• That homeless dude is dead meat.
• Okay, so literally every witch can do all of the seven wonders.
• FINALLY SOMEBODY IS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF MADISON!
• "Boy, did you walk into the wrong house"
• I love seeing all of the witches FINALLY together.
• Woops, did the axeman AX Fiona?  Ha.. ha... see what I did there... yeah no I got nothing.
• Is it weird that I find Danny Huston as the Axeman seriously sexy?
• Rut-roh that looks like the Axeman's killing strut.

• "I made you die those little deaths for the first time in your life."  That's some damn line right there.
• When did Fiona grow her hair back?
• FIONA WHY ARE YOU STAYING FOR A DRINK HE IS GOING TO KILL YOU.
• Stupid move Fi.  Stupid move.
• So Fiona is dead... who is the next supreme?
• "Yeah he is a psycho mas murderer" -Madison "Yes is there anybody here for whom that could not be said?" -Myrtle
• ARE THEY ALL THE SUPREME??

• Isn't that exactly how he died the first time?
• Oh damn, is LaLaurie in HELL?!?!
• I cannot make is CLEAR enough how dearly I love Angela Bassett.  I cannot.
• Damn, Queenie sold EVERYBODY out.

CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK!  My money was initially on Misty as the new supreme but it's tough to tell now.  There is a chance they may throw in a monkey wrench and decide that they are all just way to evil to be supreme.  It's a toss up!  What are your guesses, comment and let me know!

AHS: Protect the Coven!

So, in my opinion, this show has gotten a bit repetitive.  They keep beating us over the head with this "THERE IS A NEW SUPREME COMING" plot line and not really given us anything new.  And how many times is each characters going to die?  It's bordering on ridiculous, and takes the power out of playing the death card.  When they killed Madison so early I was shocked, but now, even when the really killed Nan, I just couldn't get into it, I was numb to characters dying.  I'm just hoping this all leads somewhere because this plot is really going in circles, just the same things over and over and over and over... well, you get it.  Here are my moment to moment thoughts:

• Every time they flashback I feel like I'm watching Interview with a Vampire.
• We get it guys, Kathy Bates is racist.  We've driven that home.
• That dress is Kathy Bates as Violet Beauregard.

• Why are we flashing back to this?  We know she thinks blood is like 19th century botox.
• So... she killed a chicken and then lost her damn mind?  Remind me to never kill a chicken.
• Poor, poor Nan.

• I can NOT get enough of Angela Bassett
• Okay so Queenie is alive then
• Who the hell put Lalaurie back together?
• OH LOOK!  KYLE IS HERE!  HI KYLE!  Good to know you still exist.

• Oh man Misty is RIGHT THERE.
• I thought the witch hunter corporation collapsed?  How did they make a whole fake ID?
• How the hell does Lalaurie know how to give a mani?
• Okay so there is still a 3 some going on between Kyle and his lovely lady lumps.
• Madison can poop?  She seems to thin for that.
• IS SHE EATING POOP???  THEY ALL JUST ATE POOP SOUP!
• Why the hell did Laveau keep the baby?  Give it back!
• DID FIONA JUST SPRAY HER HOO-HA???  Oh that HAS to burn.
• One day I'm going to grow up to be Myrtle Snow.

• "It smells like an Olympian's ejaculate."  That was a line that happened.
• Oh LAWD I thought Lalaurie had reformed!  Bitch just be crazy.
• So... I guess Kyle is still a little slow... but I do love the chemistry he has with Taissa.
• I'm am over Madison.  Even if she does have the best lines.
• I'm still confused as to how the jazzman exists... he was a ghost.
• Wait... Does Fiona still have cancer?  Because she was strait up dying before the midseason finale.
• AHH! SPALDING!  I am so happy, it was such a waste to get rid of Dennis O'Hare so quickly.

• If they kill Angela Bassett, I am out.
• Who isn't the next supreme?  Everybody is the next supreme.  I'm the next supreme.
• Why is nobody looking for Misty?
• Annnnd she is gunna blind herself again isn't she. Two people died to give you those eyes Cordelia!
• God damn it Cordelia you are ridiculous.
• They should just write a TV show for Francis Conroy and Jessica Lange.  Just two old biddies bickering.

I mean, really.

• It's a doll.  It's a fucking doll.  I can't.  I can not even.  He made Lalaurie get him a fucking doll.
• Benedryl... please tell me he is fucking with her.
• THEREMIN!
• I keep forgetting Zoe and Myrtle are related.
• Zoe listen to your aunt and go, why are you so committed anyway!?
• This witch hunter this is awkward and I hate it.
• I KNEW I SAW AN AX!   I thought it was the witch hunter's ax!
• BWAHAHAHAHAHA Marie Laveau is impressed.
• ANGELA TAKING CELLPHONE PICS.  I LOVE IT.
• I mean... Benedryl makes you sleepy but not drunk.
• NO! ANGELA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Oh, whew...   If the bury her, Cordelia will find her
• SPALDING TOO THE BABY!  WHAT THE FFFUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

• Oh that baby is a ghost now, isn't it.
• Oh, my God, I love Evan Peters so, so much,
• I'm glad they left, but if they aren't on the show anymore I am going to be sorely disappointed, especially since Kyle just got his brain back.

ONLY TWO MORE EPISODES LEFT!  Hopefully they will stop beating around the bush!