Being Human: Series 5 Premiere (spoilers)

Here they are!  Our new trinity Hal, Alex and Tom!  God!  I love this show!  BBC I love you!  In a very Doctor Who fashion, Being Human has replaced it's entire original cast with a completely new one in a way that is not only engaging, but didn't even make me mad about losing Mitchell, Annie and George.  Don't get me wrong, I miss them with my whole heart and soul, but at the same time I've been able to move past their deaths and attach myself to the incoming cast.  Well done!  Here is a recap of the episode, followed by my conclusions on what this season has to bring.

Last night was Being Human's series 5 premiere episode entitled, The Trinity.  Now the hardest part of being a fan of this show is that as an American, I have to find a way to stream the damn thing.  Last year it was so easy to stream that I could watch the show on the same night it aired, but now-a-days with a huge government crackdown on pirating and streaming it's real work.  Took me almost a half hour to find a usable link, and then it froze halfway through, so I had to pause it for another half hour just so it would load back to where I had it.  That's commitment people!  BBC let Americans watch your shows online!  I would pay to watch, seriously I would.  But no, we get BBC America so we can watch Top Gear for 12 hours, and then Gordon Ramsey for another 12.  Thanks.

Okay, back to the show.  I was very impressed with this premiere episode for this cast.  In the opening sequence it's 1918 and find Hal in his bad boy days.  A cloaked woman runs into an impressive estate and finds Hal, shirtless, sleeping on a bed.  She goes to stake him, but it was all a trap and a sexy, slightly humorous fight ensues.  We soon find out the woman is Lady Catherine, a werewolf.  Hal calls for parley, and they both realized that somebody is fanning the flames in war between the vampires and werewolves, they call temporary peace to find out who.  While, I loved Mitchell, I really enjoy that Hal's back story is so long and full of endless possibility.

The show picks back up only a few weeks after Annie blows herself and Eve (and Mycroft) into the next world.  Hal is still tied to a chair, being spoon fed by the ever adorable baby faced Tom.  Seriously, Tom has the cutest puppy dog eyes, pun intended.  The place is a total sty, and it's tearing anal retentive Hal apart, he begs to be untied, at least to just clean up.  Alex and Tom decide to untie him permanently as long as he swears on Eve to behave.  After cleaning up, Tom informs Hal that they've lost their job at the cafe, so they go off on the search for a new one.

We then flash to this mysterious government organization that has taken Alex's body.  Mr. Rook has captured one of the oldest vampires who is ironically a little girl.  Now that all the old ones are dead (thanks Annie) order in the vampire world is a bit, well, screwed.  In a hilarious exchange in which this little girl swears and demands cigarettes, she tells him that there is one old one left, human sympathizer Hal.  In exchange for information about Hal, she will flown back home, to which she responds "Make sure they have crayons, so I can draw ponies and shit."  

Mr. Rook finds Hal interviewing for a job at a local rundown looking hotel.  He tries to convince Hal to lead the vampires.  Without the old ones there is chaos but he believes Hal could unite them, for all the free blood he could have.  Hal refuses, but Mr. Rook adds a bit of mystery to his offer.  This hotel has been notorious for suicides, he asks Hal to at least keep an eye on what may be going on.  In the dining room, we see another great Sherlock cross over sitting in a wheelchair.  There sits Captain Hatch, being a total grumpy tool, yelling at the waitstaff and scowling.  Played by the brilliant Philip Davis of Whitechapel fame, and let's not forget he was fabulous as the murderous cab driver in Sherlock's pilot.  Needless to say, my ears certainly perked up.  

Hal is not only shaken by his meeting with Mr. Rook, who waved some blood in his face, but to add insult to injury Alex calls him out on her death for the millionth time, bringing Hal to the edge.  Earlier in the episode there was an odd break where we meet Ian Crumb, a bumbling office idiot quite similar to Michael from the office.  He is told that he is on review and will have to re-apply for the job he already has.  Needless to say he is having a bad day, which only gets worse when he bumps into a very edgy  Hal... and then decides to pick a fight.  Bad movie Ian.  Hal manifests his inner vampire and Ian freaks the fuck out... only to be hit by a car.  What choice does Hal have?  He turns Ian and locks him in the basement.  In Being Human fashion, as Hal tries to hide his misdoing, Alex and Tom show up to have a chat.  In a desperate attempt to get Tom and Alex far away from Ian, he tells Alex he met with the man who stole her body and gives his location.

Since Alex is convinced that her unfinished business is to get her body to her family she goes to Mr. Rooks place of work.  Of course the good natured Hal must accompany her, because he was taught how to treat a woman.  She finds her file and learns that her body was already given to her family.  She was buried and everybody was already moving on.  She is devastated  and Tom does his best to comfort her.  As she is stealing her files, we see Mr. Rook in his boss's office.  The government is downsizing and Mr. Rook's special branch is being shut down.  Mr. Rook doesn't take this news well.

After Alex has had a good and proper meltdown over her stolen death, Ian finally gets their attention.  Alex and Tom find him tied to the radiator, begging to know whats going on, even though Hal has already explained it all.  Ian is still convinced he is tied up to be given a proper bumming by Hal on a later date.  Tom flips, convinced that Hal drank blood and storms off, Alex, pitying the bumbling Ian, let's him free.  Big mistake.  You see, Ian decides to go back to work, where he is immediately sacked.  Well, we've seen what happens when vampires get angry.

Tom immediately accosts Hal when he walks in the door, but once Hal explains himself he and Tom decided it best to keep Ian locked up, but whoops, Alex already let him out.  They find him at work, feasting on the blood of the employee who's replaced him as his coworkers stare in abject fear.  Ian has turned on that switch, that Vampire badness.  Oh, he is brilliant and now he is bad, bad, bad.  Hal threatens to destroy them both, holding a stake between both their hearts.  All it would take is one good chest bump and they are both done for, and I start getting really nervous.  Being Human has no problem killing main characters off.  "NOT YET!" I scream at my computer just as Mr. Rook and his crew come to clean up the mess.  Once it's all neat and tidy, Mr. Rook strikes some sort of deal with Ian, and you have to wonder what they are up too.  I'm sure it will be good.

Now, through the episode we keep flashing back to Hal and Lady Catherine who enlist the help of a ghost necromancer.  It turns out that it's the devil who is pinning the werewolves against the vampires, so once again we have a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire working together, and it's pretty obvious Hal has a thing for Lady Catherine.  

Using the body of a local mad man as a vessel, the three plan to do a blood ritual to trap the devil inside.  Once the ghost drinks the blood of a vampire mixed with the blood of a werewolf, the devil enters.  But we have a problem.  Hal was a coward.  He didn't use his own blood, he didn't complete the Trinity.  The Ghost and poor Lady Catherine meet their final ends and the devil escapes in a mad man's body.  Of course, it doesn't take much brain power to realize that the devil is our crotchety Captain Hatch, who at the end of the episode whispers into a waitress's ear.  She promptly commits suicide but not before leaving a message in her own blood.  He Will Rise.

I am so excited about this season, even if it does seem to be completely revolving around Hal.  We have two separate baddies, the devil in human form and the government with a raging vampire.  I hope there is more for Tom coming up because it seemed that he was a bit pushed to the side in this episode, and while Alex was a wee bit whiny I like that she's a tough cookie.  She is certainly not the motherly figure Annie was, that job seems to fall to Tom.  We also have Hal still getting over the blood lust and his boss at the hotel seems to be pining after him.  Never pine after a vampire, it never ends well, just ask Alex or Lauren from season 1.  In the end, I think these three have a good camaraderie especially Tom and Hal, Alex is still working on it.  I can't wait to see whats coming because this show never fails to shock!

Warm Bodies: Best RomCom Ever

Just saw Warm Bodies... AND I LOVED IT!  A RomCom for the nerds and geeks of the world!  It's a really interesting take on zombie movies, finally seeing whats going on in those dead heads.  Most impressively the movie aims to explain why zombies eat the brain.  Really a very unique take on the zombie genre.  But let's hope they don't go vampire on us.

Nicholas Holt and Teresa Palmer give impressive performances in this movie as not only do they have to rule the screen in relative silence, but they are also quite good at American accents.  Holt is climbing the ranks as a possible new American heart throb if he stays on the right track, you couldn't help but fall in love with him in this film, especially with his impressive voice over performance.  And, come on, he's really cute.  Palmer is both beautiful and believable, she has to carry the brunt of the emotion in Warm Bodies, as zombies don't really get too emotional, but she provides a good balance to Holt's grunting and shrugging.  I flip every time I see John Malkovich is in a movie, but he is unfortunately kind of wasted.  His part is small and while he is brilliant in it, they really don't develop his character.  The real star of this movie was Rob Corddry.  He was hilarious, and weirdly kind of hot.  He stole the show every time he was on screen, giving the most subtle facial expressions and pitch perfect one liners.  At the same time he offered a beautiful and emotional side to a character you expected to be nothing other than the funny sidekick.  Well done Mr. Corddry I was really, really impressed.

I only had a few problems with this movie.  First off, it wasn't quite gory enough to be totally considered a "zombie" movie.  I just wished for a little more blood and sinew, especially when the zombies were feasting.  The movie drags a bit in between action sequences and I really believe a little more violence would have gone a long way.  Also, the obvious Romeo and Juliet allegory made me slap my head more than once.

At the end, I truly did enjoy this film.  I tend to shy away from romantic comedies, but this was one really worth watching.  I really fell in love with Holt, and I may have said "aww" or a worried "oh no!" more than once, but hey, it was really romantic!  Just a heads up, if you enjoyed this movie, I highly recommend the book series "The Forrest of Hands and Teeth."  More romance and zombies, but these zombies are a hell of a lot more violent and terrifying.

I Want to Marry CBS Thursday Night and Have it's Baby...

Okay, to be fair, The Big Bang Theory was a bit shit tonight, but they have an off episode about once and every four episodes, tonight's happened to be one of them.  But MAN did Person of Interest and Elementary kill it.  Really, there are not many shows of this caliber on Network TV lately, its been a bunch of shows that they promote the hell out of and then pull of the air within four or five episodes... but there is a network that flies under the radar but is really worth a watch....

Now, I have to be honest .. I was getting ready to drop POI at the end of last season.  It was beginning to get monotonous, flashback about John or Finch, SSN comes in, they save somebody or arrest somebody or whatever.  On to next episode.  But this year we are really getting into the meat of each characters past, and having it catch up to them.  Now we have a Gordian knot forming, tangling the pasts of Finch and John, dragging in Detectives Carter and Fusco.  Now I can't wait to see what's going to happen episode to episode, and maybe we'll soon find out how Finch sustained his injuries!  That's like 90% of the reason I kept watching in the first place.  Also I have to shout out to the great acting on the show, but how could you not when they assembled such a superb team.  I especially love Taraji P. Henson... mostly because I feel she was robbed of academy award back in 2009.  I guess that would make me biased.

Oh Jonny Lee Miller, I just cannot get enough of you!  If you are not watching Elementary you are missing out.  Episode after episode it just keeps getting better!  In an earlier blog post I had complained about Liu's performance as Watson, but she is growing on me.  I still find her a bit apathetic, but I am enjoying seeing her at her shrink's office, really starting to become emotionally available.  I think we are going to find out something about Watson soon, I'm interested in seeing how she will handle it.  Miller, though, is just a powerhouse, I smell some awards going his way as soon as he is eligible to be nominated... Then again Kevin Costner somehow beat Benedict Cumberbatch, so what do awards know?

But, as I alluded to earlier in the post, there is another network with fantastic shows, that nobody really seems to watch.  But USA has some amazing programming that just not enough people are watching!  Here's which shows you should be watching and why:

1.  Psych:  In my opinion, Psych is one of the funniest shows on television.  Now the plot of the show may seem like a rip off of the Mentalist, but nay, the Mentalist ripped Psych off, hard, and Psych loves to point it out.  If love constant references to every bit of pop culture from the 80s and 90s or any other useless trivia this is a show you should be watching.  Half the fun of the show is catching Shawn and Gus's references to everything ever.  When Shawn dressed up as Lestat in a Halloween episode I knew I could never stop watching this show.

2.  Burn Notice:  90% of the reason you should be watching this show is Bruce Campbell.  The man is hilarious, and also totally badass... he was Ash for God's sake!  This show is sexy, smart and always interesting.  Following sexy burned spy Michael Weston, played by chameleon actor Jeffrey Donovan the show never gets old and constantly becomes more complicated.  Intense, sexy and full of big explosions.  If you want to check this show out you must watch from season 1 or you will be lost.

3.  White Collar:  Matt Bomer.  Okay he isn't the only reason to watch the show, but man is he pretty.  This show's best asset is it's ensemble of extremely talented actors, playing complex characters.  I myself am a Mozzie fan, played by Willie Garson (best known for his role on Sex and the City).  Mozzie is a career criminal full of fun gadgets and conspiracy theories, and no matter how close he get's to FBI Agent Burke he still calls him "Suit".  This show is funny, sexy, fully of mystery and double crosses, really it's very well written.  

4.  Suits:  Now in it's second season, I'm not totally sold on this show, but it has it's moments so I watch when I have time.  My biggest problem with the show is that it is on at a time slot where they are allowed to use more "PG13" language, so they squeeze the words "shit" or "dick" in as much as possible.  This show also has a really great ensemble, so while I may not be sold on the writing, the actors are worth watching.

5.  Royal Pains:  A great "fluff" show.  It's MacGyver meets House, with a very nice personality.  The show is more than anything fun to watch as the main character makes diagnosis that no real doctor could make just by looking at you and then fixing it with household items.  They show has good humor and cool mysterious diseases.  I don't watch regularly but I always enjoy when I catch it.

Now, there other shows on USA but I don't watch them and could give no valid opinion on them.  So people of the blog-o-sphere, give USA a chance!  And if you want to ignore me, just keep watching CBS Thursday because I expect it will just keep getting better and better.

Blogging 'Bout Some Books

As an avid reader, face to Nook almost constantly, a lot of friends and family ask for recommendations.   I have a very specific taste in books which I call "Super Fiction" or "Super Fantasy.  The farther away from reality, the more likely I am to enjoy it.  Lately it seems I've been stuck in YA steampunk fiction, but I do have broader taste.  Here is a list of some of the best series I've read in the last few years, both YA and Adult fiction included.

THE ALL SOULS SERIES

This is an Adult book series is Deborah Harkness' first venture into Fiction.  Harkness originally wrote historical non-fiction, focusing her studies on magic and science in Europe from 1500 to 1700.  Using her knowledge, Harkness built a character much like herself.  Except she's a witch.  Diana Bishop is a historian who, while researching her dissertation, calls up an enchanted manuscript from the Bodleian Library.  Having been lost for centuries, the scent of this manuscript reappearing brings all magical creatures to Bishop's doorstep.  In the world Harkness created, we have vampires, witches and daemons living in secret among us.  Bishop is a witch who wants nothing to do with her powers and supernatural upbringing.  She especially does her best to stay away from vampires.  But when one protects her from all the things that go bump in the night, well....  It's time for her to except her witchiness and figure out what's so important about this manuscript.  Both of these books are not only beautifully written, sexy, funny and exciting but superbly researched.  When I read these books I was not only was I entertained, but I had actually learned something.  Needless to say, I cannot wait for the next and last book of the series to be released   Unfortunately Harkness is still working on it so who knows when it will be out!

THE DIVERGENT SERIES

You listen to me.  These books are amazing.  Did you like The Hunger Games?  These books are better.  That's right.  I said it.  In another dystopian future, Chicago has been divided into 5 factions, Candor (honesty), Abnegation (selflessness), Dauntless (bravery), Amity (Peacefulness) and Erudite (intelligence).  When you turn 16 you are given the chance to choose the faction that you will then devote the rest of your life to, possibly leaving your family and whole way of life behind forever.  Before you choose, you are given a test to see which faction will be your best fit.  Abnegation girl Beatrice has dreamed of a life outside her faction.  When given her test, she finds that she actually doesn't fit well into any faction.  She is divergent.  This fact is covered up, and when the time comes Beatrice chooses Dauntless, a choice which could end her life.  These books are fantastic page turners with tons of action and even a bit of romance.  Beatrice is an amazing character, she is tough, smart and no matter how desperate her situation she never complains and never gives up.  The reason I like these books better than Hunger Games is that (so far) each book gets better.  Insurgent is an incredible read, where you spend most of your time yelling "NO!" or "OH MY GOD!"  Book 3 comes out in the fall.  Can. Not. Wait.

THE MAGIC MOST FOUL SERIES

Set in New York during the 1880s, this book hearkens back to Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray." Young Miss Natalie Stewart lives with her father, and helps him with his work at the MET.  Poor Miss Stewart has been mute since the death of her mother when she was just a child.  While looking at a prospective portrait of a one Lord Denbury she notices the painting moves... calls out to her even!  And then she falls through canvas and the magic and mystery begins.  These are wonderfully written YA books from the unique perspective of the diaries of a mute girl living in a time when having a disability was debilitating.  To be fair it should be noted that the author, Leanna Renee Hieber is a friend of mine, but friend or no I would have found my way to these books and devoured them anyhow.

THE STRANGELY BEAUTIFUL SERIES

This is another fantastic series by Miss Hieber.  Victorian London was a dangerous place to be!  Not only is Jack the Ripper hunting streets, we have ghosts and possessive demons to deal with!  Not to fear, a group of men and women with divine powers are here to protect the living from the dead.  But when their leader Alexi becomes wrapped up in an old proficiency he becomes obsessed with finding the fated last member of the Guard, tensions in the group rise.  Besides fighting ghouls and ghosts, two of the guards run Athens Academy for boys and girls.  Enter a strange young albino woman named Persephone Parker, she has a knack for language and other strange talents.  Immediately Alexi is drawn to her... but is she friend or foe?  The Guard isn't so sure.  There is one more book left in the series and I am anxiously awaiting it's release.  These books are full of beautiful imagery and heart pounding mystery.  Ghosts in Victorian London... really how can you say no?

THE PARASOL PROTECTORATE SERIES

I just finished Heartless in this series and I cannot get enough!  Thank God Timeless comes out next month!  Gail Carriger you are a hilarious and imaginative genius.  These books take place in a steampunk London, where dirigibles float through the air and the supernatural mingle with the common man.  Alexia Tarabotti is a unique woman, she is half Italian, unmarried, outspoken, smart and one of the supernatural... well actually she is the opposite.  Miss Tarabotti is soulless.  Her touch can turn the supernatural human.  Though she is registered with the Bureau of Unnatural Registry (BUR for short) Alexia keeps her soulless state quiet among the regular humans.  She's shocking enough as it is.  That is, until she kills a vampire in self defense and gets tangled up in BUR nonsense.  Now she is forced to work with Lord Connal Maccon, head of the London BUR, werewolf, and all around pain in the ass.  These books are hilarious, smart, creative and super sexy.  A supremely entertaining read.

THE STEAMPUNK CHRONICLES

I told you I've been really into steampunk lately.  These books are action packed and have some seriously kick ass female characters.  It's been a while since I read these books so I'm going to cheat a little and add the publisher's blurb so I don't accidentally give an important plot point away:  "In 1897 England, sixteen-year-old Finley Jayne has no one...except the "thing" inside her.When a young lord tries to take advantage of Finley, she fights back. And wins. But no "normal" Victorian girl has a darker side that makes her capable of knocking out a full-grown man with one punch.... Only Griffin King sees the magical darkness inside her that says she's special, says she's one of "them." The orphaned duke takes her in from the gaslit streets against the wishes of his band of misfits: Emily, who has her own special abilities and an unrequited love for Sam, who is part robot; and Jasper, an American cowboy with a shadowy secret."  The next book in the series comes out in March, and after the excitement and romance of Girl with the Clockwork Collar I cannot even wait!

BEAUTIFUL CREATURES SERIES

Please world... PLEASE do not judge these books by the movie trailer.  WHY MUST THEY TURN ALL GOOD THINGS INTO BAD MOVIES!  Just based on casting alone I have to say NO!  These books are fabulous, with maybe the exception of the final book of the series which was a little disappointing.  These books take place in the small southern county of Gatlin.  Unlike most supernatural YA books, this series is from a male point of view.  All Ethan Wate wants to do is get out into the world as far away from Gatlin as possible... until a new girl comes to school and turns his world upside down.  Lena Duchannes isn't like the bottle blonde pageant girls of Gatlin, she is dark, she is intelligent and she is beautiful.  Little does he know, she is also dangerous.  She is a witch and on her 16th birthday she will be chosen for either the light or the dark and she has no idea which due to a family curse.  No matter how much she wants to push Ethan away for his safety they are drawn to each other and he is determined to give her a choice.  These books are beautiful and oh so romantic.  They may not be Shakespeare, but they are entertaining and good for an "awww".

Hope you check out some of these books and I am always looking for recommendations. 

Vampire Diaries vs True Blood

Apparently lounging in an outdoorsy, dark place makes a vampire sexy.  Anybody who knows me, knows that I love vampires.  I wish I was a Vampire, but as we live in the real world, I have to turn to media to get my vampire kicks.  Other than the American version of Being Human (which I refuse to watch) these are the only two currently airing vampire-centric TV shows.  I loyally watch both, and have even read the True Blood books, but I think it's time for a comparison.  Now, I know how I feel about the two shows and I am sure this is going to be super biased, but feel free to disagree.

HBO vs The CW

Whew!  I really wish I had a comparison photo with Elena, Damon and Stefan naked and covered in blood, but The Vampire Diaries is on The CW so they have to keep it PG13.  But, that PG13 rating doesn't stop the show from being hot!  Sure, it doesn't have the same nearly pornographic hot sex of HBO, where you sit and think "Are they... are they actually having sex?"  I mean, I will never, ever, say no to seeing Alexander Skarsgard's perfect tush, or even, let's be honest, Anna Paquin's flawless rack, but that doesn't a supernatural show make.  The CW knows how to do supernatural.  Literally.  The show Supernatural has been on the CW since 2005 and let's not forget CW was once WB which gave us Buffy the Vampire Slayer which despite being off the air since 2003 and still has arguably of the most loyal fan bases.  They've also given us Angel, Charmed, Smallville, Roswell and currently run shows like The Secret Circle, Arrow and Beauty and the Beast.  But let us also not forget, HBO gives us Game of Thrones.

Advantage: Tie.  HBO gives sexy realness while the CW had been doing supernatural since it was The WB.

Dead, Dead, Deader

These are both shows about Vampire/werewolves/hybrid/shapeshifters/witches and whatnot.  People are bound to get killed.  A lot of people.  You should be worried for literally everybody's safety.  But with True Blood, that is just not the case, and I think this fact has hurt the show.  Having read the books, I know that half the characters who are still on the show are either dead, in jail or on the run, including fan favorites.  I think this is killing True Blood because there are just too many characters.  Every season it seems they scramble to give every single on of them their own plot line, giving us weird plot lines about Afrits that weirdly end halfway through the season.  They drop like FLIES  on Vampire Diaries.  I don't want to list the dead as not to ruin it for anybody who is not caught up, but sometimes I fear for even the main characters.  Not counting Elena because she's died about 200 times.  But this constant cycle of characters keeps the plot lines fresh and keeps viewers on the edge of their seats.

Advantage:  The Vampire Diaries, ain't nobody safe.

The Cheese Factor

Yes, the top picture is of Caroline as a pre-vampire cheerleader using a scarf to cover her bite marks, and yes the bottom picture is Sookie in fairyland.  FAIRLYLAND.  You just can't do a serious vampire show without a bit of cheese and a few laughs.  Otherwise it becomes something too dark to deal with.  I think True Blood has the cheese market cornered.  Between Sookie making fun of Bill's voice or the Queen Fairy voguing while talking, you can't help but laugh and enjoy yourself.  Sometimes the Vampire Diaries takes itself way too seriously and you just want to slap Stefan and say "SMILE DAMNIT!  You're 200 years old and still gorgeous, stop whining!"  At least True Blood is always good for a laugh.

Advantage:  True Blood

Consistency Between Seasons

Sorry True Blood, but you are ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.  I get that every season you are beating down a new demon, but jeeze, are you comedy or drama or porn?  The first season was a great balance of sex, violence and actual plot.  Season 2 (my person favorite) have a lot of sex, but a great baddie and a plot that involved all the characters in their own way without anybody becoming too overshadowed.  I just had to look up what even happened on season 3, it doesn't even stick out in my mind.  That's a bad sign.  Season 4, Fairyworld and witches.  What the what.  I have to say, the acting in the season was fab, but the plots were kind of a mess.  And this season... well this season was just bizarre with almost no cohesion between story lines.  Meanwhile, every season of Vampire Diaries is interesting without taking on too much.  Yes, sometimes it gets a bit boring and yes, sometimes you get sick of the same whining, but still at least you have a good idea what's coming season to season.  You're not going to be thrown into some weird blood cult or something.

Advantage:  The Vampire Diaries.  They may be whiny parent-less teens, but at least the keep it real.

Skarsgard vs Somerhalder

The two sexiest men with the strangest last names.  Now, I've always had a thing for guys with dark hair and light eyes, but is there such a thing as an unattractive Swedish man?  Just look at Henrik Lundqvist!  So how do we even break it down.  IMPOSSIBLE!  They both play the bad boy, they both do steamy love scenes, they both play a character you root for even if you probably shouldn't and they both are snarky and hilarious.  Somerhalder with that sideways smirk and devious squint in his eye.  Skarsgard with his accented gravely voice and tall, lean body.  Both blue eyed beauties keep me watching each show, just praying for their screen time to come.  

Advantage:  Tie.  HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE?!

So if we break this down, in my opinion  Vampire Diaries win.  True Blood has gone way off the rails, possibly becoming too disconnected from the books the show is derived from.  I am putting faith in the writers to bring it back around and turn the "Bilith" plot line into something interesting.  If I wrote this blog 2 years ago, True Blood might have won, but it just didn't turn out that way.  Don't get me wrong, I will still faithfully watch True Blood, but they better get their shit together asap.

Forget James Bond, Hellloooo Sherlock Holmes

This image is missing a few people, don't don't you worry you're pretty little heads my dear darling readers, I'll get there.

Back in 2006 the iconic British Spy James Bond came back, and this time he was Blonde, James Blonde, and just a sexy as ever.  I myself have never been a Bond girl, literally and figuratively.  He's kind of boring, just a bunch of shooting and drinking, with the occasional tumble in the sheets.  Let's be honest, M is really the sexy brains of the operation.  But Sherlock Holmes was already stirring in the background, quietly waiting in the wings under the alias of Gregory House, sparking something I hardly think anybody expected.

That's right!  I credit the whole Sherlock resurgence with Hugh Laurie as the infamous House MD.  With Gregory House as Sherlock Holmes, James Wilson as John Watson and Lisa Cuddy in an Irene Adler/Mrs. Hudson-esque role.  We even had a bit of a Moriorty in House's season long nemesis Tritter.   America, and very quickly most of the world, fell in love with the pill popping, sarcastic, never clean shaven, constantly rude genius, falling equally in love with the man who stayed by his side despite it all, Wilson, played beautifully by Robert Sean Leonard.  I'm not sure that even the people at Fox realized how huge the show would be, but season after season viewers loyally watched, even if the show went a bit downhill around season 5 when the it took a dark turn.  But why... WHY do we love this terrible terrible man?  Yes he saves lives, but often at the expense of not only his own team, but the patients themselves!  Is it just because we are waiting for the moments that he shows glimpses of humanity through he gruff exterior?  But with House a spark went off, a spark that led to a very new adaption of the actual Sherlock Holmes.

While House MD continued on, the people at Warner Brothers got their hands on a screenplay and ran with it.  House was working out rather well, and Holmes hadn't been put on film with any sort of seriousness since maybe the 50s so, why not?  Using the brilliant directorial talents of Guy Ritchie and a perfect storm of actors, new life was breathed into Arthur Conan Doyle's dusty character.  Robert Downey Jr was perfect for the role, being somewhat similar to Sherlock himself.  He is a genius on film, maybe not in the same way as Holmes but still, and Downey has been known for his snarky attitude, past bad behavior and lets not forget drug addiction.  Let's be honest  it really works.  So with his equally sexy counterpart Jude Law as Watson, well ladies and gentlemen we have a movie!  And this is not the boring Holmes of yesteryear!  No!  This is action packed steampunk Sherlock Holmes!  And the sequel did not disappoint, bring the steampunk themes out full force with Gatling guns blowing trees apart!  Fantastic!  But again!  Shelock Holmes is kind of a huge dick.  A huge dick with the mind of a computer, but he's spends a good part of the films poisoning Watson's dog, trying to ruin Watsons marriage and blowing apart their home.  And yet we still love him!

Hello Sexy.  Steven Moffet you wonderful creature you.  Teaming up and nerd-ing out with the equally genius Mark Gatiss to give us a whole new and very modern Shelock.  The love that Moffet and Gatiss have for Doyle's work is evident in every frame of this show, from the sets to the actors they choose.  The update is nearly flawless, Martin Freeman playing possibly my favorite Watson and Benedict Cumberbatch bringing his brilliant talent to the role (fyi if you haven't seen him play Stephen Hawking, please do because it's one of the greatest performances I've ever seen on TV, next to Claire Danes as Temple Grandin).  Cumberbatch by far plays the most removed Holmes, his genius out doing all of the other Holmes' I've described so far, but he also seems the most heartless.  This Holmes has no idea how to be human, even being described as a virgin as sex isn't necessary for his mind to solve puzzles.  We yearn for the moments when he breaks and becomes nearly human for the love of John, Mrs. Hudson and of course the love of his life Irene Adler.  Cumberbatch and Freeman play brilliantly off each other, Freeman constantly reminding Cumberbatch what social protocols are, pleading with Holmes not to leave severed body parts in the fridge or not to openly point out other's failings or not do a happy dance every time somebody ends up dead.  And here we are again, falling in love with a man who often more cruel than he is kind, but we worship him.

Step in CBS.  It worked for the BBC, lets do this.  Thus, Elementary was born, and if you can't have Benedict Cumberbatch, the next best actor you can grab is the ever brilliant Johnny Lee Miller.  As I have mentioned in other blog posts, Cumberbatch and Miller switched off roles as Frankenstein and his monster.  I've only seen bits and pieces, but Miller is fabulous, moving his body gorgeously as the monster, but he was so different from Cumberbatch's monster... that's what made the switch off brilliant.  Both actors played the same part so differently the show stayed fresh every night.  The same can be said for Elementary.  Miller may be playing the same character, but it's so unique you can't point you're finger and the TV and yell "He's not Ben!"  Elementary is another modern telling of the Doyle story.  In this version, Sherlock is a recovering addict and Liu plays his addiction councilor as the first female version of Watson.  Shelock is living in NY and helping the police while dealing with demons from his past.  Miller's Sherlock is a little more human emotionally than others, but is still ever the total tool, being rude to everybody in his path.  This show is relativity new, but already gaining notoriety... but again, why, why?

In the last 10 years we have seen more of Sherlock Holmes than any other re-inventable character, including James Bond.  But what is it about this character that we all love so much?  So much so that I haven't be able to take a single Shelock Holmes novel out of the library without being on a ridiculous wait list.  After finishing the book I just started I plan on breaking down and buying one.  But what exactly is it about the character that we love so much?  By all accounts he should be repulsive, but no, the more he pushing the more we want him.  Is it his relationship with Watson that we adore?  How Watson is able to bring real emotion to the seemingly uncaring man?  Or is it his genius, his ability to see more than we could ever dream of.  For Christ sake I don't even notice if my own shoe is untied half the time.  Maybe we watch just to see those moments of humanity and love that so contrast the Holmes we know.  Maybe it's just that they get such hot actors to play the same man.  That could be it.  No matter what, I have yet to find a Sherlock/John that I don't love, so keep it coming Hollywood/BBC, I want more!

American Horror Story: Asylum- Series Finale (spoilers)

That face.  That Sarah Paulson old face is exactly how I've felt this whole season.  Meh, and a little angry.  And then, THEN, they have the audacity to give us a beautiful ending AND the biggest "OH SHIT" moment of the season.  Not only was it a great script, but it was GORGEOUSLY filmed.  It was so beautifully filmed that I got distracted by the cinematography at points! Now, they focus a bit heavily on Lana, I was hoping to get a bit of Sister Mary Eunice again as she was the best plot of the season, but I guess we can't get everything we want.  This season has been a total inverse of last season, the season itself kind of sucked while the ending was epic, where as last season was epic with a suck ending.  So here is the "Madness Ends" recap.

The episode begins with a flashback to the first episode.  Oh great, Adam Levine is back.  Whatever.  Anyway, it's exactly the same as the first episode, only from the perspective of Dylan McDermott (whose name btw is apparently Johnny).  He enters Briarcliff listening to a book on tape, his mother's voice reading her novel about the Asylum.  He hallucinates something wicked, seeing through the rotting structure into the past, his mother in that crazy bath thing telling him how much she hates him, his father as the goodly Dr. Threadson who tells him of all the love he missed out on.  Then he smokes some weed and chops off Levine's arm.

Flash foward a bit to Lana, older, wiser and apparently a super celebrity of Barbra Walters fame, in a Dateline type interview setting.  Now we all know how I feel about special effects makeup and I give her old age make up and A.  It was  bit rough around her lips, but that turkey neck they had going was genius.  Anyway, her life seems to have been absolutely charmed in her post bloody faced years, she even has a hot lady lovahh she proudly shows off as an out gay woman in 2012.  The interviewer wants to start with Bloodyface, but Lana refuses and they move on to Briarcliff.  We see Lana's original filming of the story she used to shut Briarcliff down.  Again amazing cinematography jumping from the 1970s camera to real time.  We see how bad Briarcliff has become.  Lana finds Jude in worse condition then ever, but then, pulling her off the filthy bed, she whispers "Lana Banana" with a slight smile.  Right in the feels... Then we find out, that's all a lie, Lana never found Jude.  That was just the ending she was hoping for.  Lana does end up getting Briarcliff shut down, then tries to expose the now Cardinal for allowing the awful human experiments of Doctor Ardin to happen under his nose.  The Cardinal ends up committing suicide, he knew all the things he had done, but you can't help feeling a little bad.

But what really happened to Jude?  Turns out Kit has the answer.  Kit says he'll talk to Lana, but not with cameras in his face.  She agrees.  After Alma passed, Kit started making regular visits to Jude.  In a touching sequence he brings her back to life from the hell she was living, and eventually he brings her into his home.  She detoxes, and falls in love with his two gorgeous children.  Unfortunately it isn't all fun and games, Jude does freak the fuck out, but Kit's alien babies take her into the woods and she comes back all better.  They live happily for 6 months until Jude falls ill and passes happily at the lips of the kind of pointless this season angel of death.  It's touching though to see what Kit does for this woman who put him through hell.  It's beautiful, really.

We then find out that Kit's kids grow to be a successful and amazing, just like he and Grace thought they would be.  He and Lana become incredibly close, which again is beautiful seeing as Lana was a total twat to Kit in the beginning.  Kit remarries and seems to live a normal life.  He ends up getting pancreatic cancer and "disappearing" which I said in conjuncture with Lana because it was so obvious.  Kit's up there with the aliens.  Happy ending?

Meanwhile at some point during the episode "Johnny" the name they apparently gave McDermott hands Lana some water.  After this happens, Lana confesses to lying about her son's death.  She tells a story about going to see him as a child and defending him from a bully.  When the interview ends Lana knows that her son is there and totally foils his plan of scaring the shit out of her.  The have a calm conversation about his feeling abandoned.  He pulls out a gun, putting it to mommy's head, but just like with Threadson, Lana is too smart.  She baby talks him into giving up the gun... THEN SHOOTS HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE!  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

But that's not even the biggest Oh Shit, of the night.  The show then reverts back to the first time Lana goes to Briarcliff and has words with Sister Jude.  Jude says something about looking into the face of evil and the zoom in on Lana's face.  Lana then leaves.  Now, reading preliminary blogs, people seem to be thinking this means that Lana made the whole thing up and was never confined, doing this all for fame.  That makes sense as all the people who would corroborate the story are dead.  But I have another theory, because there is too much detail.  For example, why would Sister Mary Eunice matter?  Or any of the plots that didn't actually involve Lana like the Aliens or Santa Clause murderer.  I think... I THINK that Lana was the real devil.  Whatever possessed Sister Mary Eunice originated not with that kid from the flashbacks of Dexter, but with Lana.  Just some food for thought.

All and all even this epic ending doesn't make up for the lackluster, choppy season, but well done anyhow.