Wednesday, January 9, 2013

American Horror Story: Spilt Milk (spoilers)

Well AHS, I am crying over the spilt milk that is this season and DAMN IT


I MISS TATE!
I don't love Kit half as much as I miss my dear, darling, dead Tate.

This episode, as well as all the episodes this season, has been well, eh.  I have to say though, I found this it to be the most beautifully filmed and well lit episode of the season, building tension where there wasn't really any at all.

The episode starts with Dylan McDermott (whose ass I miss, it used to be on screen like, once an episode).  He is being breast-fed by a hooker.  Yeah.  As he does he tells the story of his parents through the use cool camera tricks like looking through the mirror into the past and switching from Threadson's roaring fire to McDermott's cold one. It should be noted the hooker (who McDermott later ends up choking) says "titty" at least 45 times.

We'll follow Lana and Threadson first.  Mother superior helps Lana get out on the word of Sister Jude.  She gets with her file and the tape of Threadson's confession to being bloody face.  There is a great moment where Threadson talks to Kit on the stairs as Lana is making her escape.  They split screened between Lana and Threadson building great tension.  Threadson realizes it was Lana to late as she presses the tape against the taxi window and gives the nutter the bird.

Lana shows up at Threadson's with a gun to rub salt in his wounds and ascertain the whereabouts of her dear Wendy's body.  There is a lot of tension, and we witness the 3rd rape of the season, which to be fair was with Wendy's dead body, but still.  Apparently Threadson needed practice for the warm blooded girls.  Then Lana blows his brains out as Threadson reaches for his gun.  Lana writes a book about her ordeal in some effort to close Briarcliff down.

On the referral of one of her lesbian friends Lana decides to get an illegal abortion in what appears to be a hotel.  Just before the doctor starts Lana FINALLY freaks the fuck out and decides nobody else should die.   Then, a now visibly pregnant Lana goes to get Sister Jude out, only to be told by the Monsignor that she hanged herself and was cremated  but Lana is too smart for that.  She has the baby, doesn't want to see it, but ends up breastfeeding her son as he is allergic to the formula.  And that's that for the Lana/Threadson bit of the show.

Now for Kit and Grace.  Kit and Grace are over the moon about their son.  Grace explains to him about what she remembers of the aliens, which was weird and involved barbie doll versions of Grace and Alma sans nipples or vaginas.  Anyway, Grace tells him time works differently "up there" meaning space I guess, but the aliens aren't infallible and unfortunately Alma didn't make it.  As the two of them fawn over their baby boy until the Monsignor comes to take the baby away as Kit and Grace are unfit parents.

In between this, Threadson is killed, so Kit is now free to go.  He signs his release paper (which side bar he is told to sign in two places and only signs one which irked me).  Once he is a free man he demands to see the Monsignor who is now running the joint.  Kit tells him to release Grace as she is technically dead or he'll tell the world about all the terrible things going on at Briarcliff.

Grace and Kit go back to Kit's home which is still a mess from the alien invasion.  They seem really happy, but I still think its weird because Grace did ax murder her family.  Whatever.  Anyway, the only gasp worthy moment of the night is when Kit hears something in the bedroom.  He heads in with a baseball bat only to find a very alive ALMA on the bed hold a baby which is presumably is also Kit's.  Talk about Modern Family.

There is also a verbal scuffle between Jude and the Monsignor which isn't very noteworthy, but it should be mentioned that Jude is NOT dead but in a very teeny, tiny solitary confinement praying her ass off.

Never once in the episode is it mentioned that Arden committed suicide.  Hm.

I miss season one SO MUCH!  I was terrified to go to bed after watching that season!  I was so horrified watching on a few occasions I had to cover my face in abject horror.  It was a JOYRIDE!  OH!  This season is just too too TOO much!  I haven't been scared once, nor have I had the kind of shock to the system that finding out Violet was dead caused me.  This season is a dud.

And we need Sister Mary Eunice back.