Sunday, March 3, 2013

Being Human: No Care, All Responsibility (summery with spoilers)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  If you are down on Being Human for the loss of the entire original cast, this episode more than makes up for it.  This season has been epic, truly, every episode fantastic, but this... THIS my friends was why we watch TV.  Shit just got real folks.  I watch Being Human on my computer with my headphones on, my dad must think I'm batshit crazy because as I watch this episode I was either covering my eyes with Tom's awkwardness around women, or clutching my face in horror muttering "nonononono" as everything Tom, Hal and Alex have built fall apart around them.  Oh my God this show is so, so amazing it's orgasmic.  Yeah you heard me.  Gear up folks, this is a long one.

The episode starts years back as Rook takes some new Men In Black or whatever the hell they call themselves through a vampire feeding ground.  After one of the newbies pukes at the sight of a women's exposed trachea, Rook explains that the only way to do this job is to have "No care, all responsibility."  Now we can understand Rook's lot in life a bit better.  It isn't until he finds a little girl who survives the bloodbath that we see a tiny crack in the hard shell.  Rook determines that she is human, and saves her just in time as vampires tear apart his new recruits.  No care, all responsibility.

Flash forward to Hal doing push ups to fight his cravings.  Why did you have to drink that blood Hal!  Why did you do it!?  Your breaking my heart.  Alex calls a house meeting, urging Hal and Alex to see that Hatch has something to do with this string of suicides.  Both boys blow her off, but Tom promises to try and ask Hatch on his feelings about the occult before he leaves for work.  Then, Alex finally gets something off her chest that we've all been wondering about.  She had/has feelings for Hal, it's time they both talk about it.  Hal is a bit busy hiding a flask of blood in his back pocket, but he agrees it is time.  Then it dawns on Hal that Rook had mentioned something about the suicides.  He tells Alex he'll go talk to him.  Alex is excited and wants to go with him, but of course we all know Hal just wants blood, but he can't stop the eager Alex from going.

Not much really happens at Rooks office, Alex gets her hands on the file about all of the suicides and excitedly leaves.  Hal admits to Rook that he's back on the blood and asks for more.  Rook has some bad news, the is no more.  There is no safe way for Hal to get blood.  Uh oh.

While Tom awkwardly tries to ask Hatch about his feelings on the "quilt...on the carf..." he witnesses a girl being chased.  She takes refuge in the hotel, and Tom sends the baddie away.  He goes to check on the girl, whose received a pretty nasty hand wound.  As always Tom is the gentlemen and when the girl realizes she's missed work, he not only fixes up her hand, but gives her a job.  I mean, Tom is assistant manager (which by the way it definitely says "ass man" on his name tag) so he can hire people now.  But when Tom introduced Natasha (that's her name) to Hal the blood is too much.

Tom starts crushing on the cutie Natasha hard.  He even does a weird boner walk that is totally cringe worthy.  He convinces himself she is a succubus because he's never felt this way before, but after Alex ghost tests him they are sure she is human.  Hal worries that he is cheating on his werewolf girlfriend from last season, but Alex assures him that they are not together and its okay for him to have these feelings.

Later, Natasha finds Hal in a bad way.  She sort of flaunts her bloody hand in front of him as he goes through seriously bad withdrawal   Leaving in a hurry, Hal doesn't watch the mirror and Natasha notices his lack of reflection.  The baddie who was chasing her comes back to find her, but Hal protects her.  Later, Hal uses this mysterious past against her and fires her.  But BOOM, she calls him out for being a vampire and tells him she'll help him.  In a very disturbingly sexy scene, Hal takes blood from her thigh for ten seconds to help him curb the cravings.

Well apparently blood is the vampire Viagra, because Hal is feeling frisky.   He goes home to find Alex pouring over the file of the hotel suicides.  She is particularly interested in a image written in blood on a wall, but most of it's been wiped a way.  She asks Hal to take a look but the THIS FUCKING HAPPENS:
UGHHH THAT KISS WAS SO HOT!  Why is HAL SO HOT!  He doesn't look like the kind of guy who would make a girl swoon but HELLO SWOONING OVER HERE!  Sadly, a sexually confused Tom bursts in the door asking Hal and Alex how exactly you do the nasty.  Alex asks if McNair ever taught him about the bird and the bees to which he responds he knows all the birds in the forest and knew how to steal honey from bees.  OH MY GOD this scene was adorably awkward!  After Alex gets shot down for offering to steal Tom some porn (which he won't watch because THOSE GIRLS MIGHT BE MOTHERS SOMEDAY) Tom decided to go to the library.

The next day Tom asks Natasha on a proper date and gives her a, not as hot has Hal's, kiss.  Her phone rings, but she ignores it.  Hal meanwhile is getting cranky.  After Alex knocks Hatch out of his wheelchair in an effort to prove he can see her, Hal freaks out and tells her to just go home.  Hal, then catches up to Natasha and tells her the arraignment is off, which only ends up lasting for like 5 seconds until a bride to be comes in with a bloody knee and Hal nearly kills her.  Then he begs Natasha for just one last time.

Of course, Alex can't listen and goes to Hatch's room where she discovers that Hatch can see her, but uh-oh she finds Hal having... a snack.  She freaks out at him and tells him to never come home because she will stake him if he comes back.  They both agree not to tell Tom what was going on.

But that's not even the big reveal of the episode.  That call Natasha doesn't take... IT'S ROOK!  She is the little girl from the beginning of the episode.  She is a little Rook in training!  After meeting Tom and Hal, she doesn't want to go through with the plan, but No Care, All Responsibility.  She tells Tom that Hal forced her to let him feed from her.  Tom freaks out and leaves stakes in hand.  But as Tom is leaving Hal is coming in, and he legitimately asks Alex for help.  She ties him back up, but only to get clean, then he is out.

Flash to Natasha back with Rook and Hatch.  Natasha tells Rook she can't go through with it, she is going to tell Tom the truth.  Rook pleads with her, telling her that she is like family, but when you live your life No Car, All Responsibly, well you can't have family.  Rook leaves Natasha with a threat, but no threat is greater that Hatch and when he whispers in Natasha's ear we know there is trouble.  She goes to the supernatural house, finds Hal tied up.  With a knife she cuts Hal free... THEN SLITS HER FUCKING THROAT!  Hal tries to save her, but its in vain ans she dies in his arms.

When Tom and Alex find him, he tries to explain Tom won't hear it, and just before driving a stake through Hal's heart, Alex separateness them.  For the first time Tom truly loses it calling Alex a coward as he storms out.  Hal pleads with Alex to believe him, but with the knife having mysteriously disappeared she doesn't know what to believe.  Feeling everybody has giving up on him Hal leaves.  Hatch is in his room having a Devil freaking orgasm.  This has made him strong again.

Just after Hal slams the door on Alex's face, the ghost of Natasha calls to her.  She explains that this was all Rook's doing but she doesn't know why she committed this final act of martyrdom when she wanted to make things right.  Then, the scariest this ever happens... HER FUCKING CORPSE TALKS IN A DEMON VOICE:
HE WILL RISE.  Alex puts two and two together and realizes that was the writing on the wall.  Natasha remembers talking to Hatch, but she doesn't remember what he said.  Natasha's door opens with her confessions and Alex tells her to walk through.  Alex has to go see Hatch.  She accosts him, calling him Wrinkle Tits, which I was personally a fan of.  He ignores her until the last minute when he proclaims "I'm only the fucking devil sweetheart" and throws poor Alex through a mirror.

But there is no time to worry about Alex because it's all gone south.  Tom is on the warpath and Hal is on the blood.

Hal the monster is back with vengeance and Tom is going to kill him.

But what happened to Alex?  Where the hell did that mirror take her?  There is nothing but darkness, as she talks the audience through whats going on around her.  Something long, oh a weapon?  No its slimy.  Oh, good thing her dead self carries a cell phone.... that slimy thing... yeah it's a skull... and it didn't take the pan up to the tombstone to realize that the rotting body... was hers.  Yep..  Alex is trapped in her own coffin... OOHHH MAN OH MAN OH MAN!

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!  AUUGGH! I can't wait a whole week!  This show is so, SO well written an acted!  I can't.  I'm dying.  I'm dead.