Sunday, July 14, 2013

F*ck the Pain Away: True Blood Pros and Cons (Spoilers)


Okay, first of all when I saw the episode title I nearly flipped my lid.  I think the song Fuck The Pain Away by Peaches is hilarious.  My sister and I love to blast that song in the car with the windows down just to watch peoples reactions as we dance like pageant girls to the repetitive symbol beat.

Any-hoo, just from the title I. WAS. IN.  Little did I realize that I would be watching one of, if not the, most intelligently written episodes of True Blood ever.  I may go as far as to put it in my top 3 favorite episodes.  I am so happy right now.  I'll start with the cons because there are so few.


Cons:
  • I am probably a truly, deeply, horrible person with nothing but darkness where my heart should be, but I really do not care about Andy and his now deceased fairy kids.  I'm sorry, I just don't.
  • The actress who plays Sarah can literally play no other character.  Watch "Pitch Perfect" and tell me I'm wrong.
  • Seriously Bill, I am so over the Jesus-y-ness mixed with your absolute self-righteousness.  This character point is getting real old, real fast.
  • What happened to Fae being gross Gollum-like monsters?  I thought their human form was just something they put on for the halflings.  Is this just a character point we've abandoned?  I mean, its fine, I'm down with the hotties... but I'm just acknowledging that the fae were gross in their natural habitat.
  • Sorry, but does Sarah really need this big of a plot line?  And I mean come on Jason, screw her once, shame on you... screw her twice?  Well... also shame on you.
  • We need Hoyt back.  I miss him and the show he left True Blood for got cancelled.  Come on!  Give that 8ft puppy dog a job True Blood!
  • "The Unfriendly Possum".  Of course the fucking werewolves would hang out there those white trash SOBs.
  • Alcide... in what universe does Sam have salt & pepper hair?  It's Sandy blonde with streaks of grey.  If your going to give a description do it right.  God I hate you guys!
  • Really though, why do Sam and Alcide have plot lines?  No really?  Why?  Can somebody explain it to me?  Please?
  • Willa can die.  Really.  I won't care.
  • What the eff is this vampire handball/paintball thing.  I love Eric but that scene was fucking stupid.
  • HOW IS MERLOTTE'S STILL OPEN?!
  • NO!  NO MORE TERRY AFRIT MURDER THING!  Honestly I love Terry, I've loved him since he was a kid on Gilmore Girls, but I don't care.  Kill him if it will end this plot.
  • How was last season only 1 week ago?
  • I don't care about Holly or Andy.
  • Why is Bill suddenly just Lilith?
  • Lala girl, I love you, but you need to stop getting possessed.  Stop helping people girl, you never get anything back for it.
Pros:
  • ADULT CONTENT!  STRONG SEXUAL SITUATIONS!  OH YES!  These are the warnings I have been waiting for!
  • Damn, Sookie's got some body.  As a strait woman, I still have to say "dayyyyyuuummmmm"
  • Jessica is probably one of the best actors on the show.
  • BOOM!  Warlow has TWO plot twists!
    • Warlow saved Sookie from her parents from committing filicide.
    • Bill has the same control over Walow as a maker!
  • I am really enjoying all plots involving Eric, Tara and Pam.  Especially since Eric is a super badass again.
  • PAM IS SO BADASS!  Ugh I love her.
  • The Governor is not a simple "evil character".  He has logic about his daughter's turning and real feelings about what is happening.... and not in the campy way of Russell and Talbot.
  • Warlow is the most complicated "villain" this show has ever seen.  It is not black and white with Warlow, it's deep and complicated, there is more to it then just a baddie.  Of course, more and more it is seeming that he is no villain at all, but it will take a lot to convince all of the other characters that his goodness is true.  Especially since he did banish Nial.
  • Even if it was Sarah, that sex scene was the Tits!  I HAVE MISSED THIS!  "I truly believe God wants you to fuck me!"  This is pure True Blood season 1 goodness!
  • YUM!  You could eat off Jason's buns!
  • It's nice to see Jess and Jason talking again.  Even if Jess is freaking out saying "I'll rape you or something!"
  • OH NO JESSICA!!!!!
  • Hey!  The therapist is the Priest from Constantine!  Yey!  I love him!
  • "Hold the fuck up.  Am I in therapy?"  Oh PAM!  She would just rather be in the fucking room.  Even though every time they have a vampire sex scene, I feel like that kind of speedy there would be some serious chaffing.  There is not enough lube in the world to stop them from starting a fire in your vagina.  There I said it, you know you were all thinking it.
  • When the therapist offers Pam a reward in the form of a hot Asian blood donor, I love her "I could get used to this" face.
  • This therapy session may be one of the most intellectual scenes True Blood has ever had.
  • Lafayette finally called Sookie out for never being at work.  "Whatchu doin' at your place of work cuz I know it ain't work."
  • YES!  MORE LAFAYETTE!  When was the last time he even saw Sookie?  When Tara turned?
  •  "I ate four fairy girls and I am so fucked up!"  Great scene between Jess and Tara.
  • Seriously, I can watch a whole episode of Pam in this therapy session.  Everything about this is perfect.
  • Lala can talk to the spirits despite getting possessed all the time and that boy has no patience for the dead, "STACKHOUSE'S CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"
  • Mmm I could listen to Ben's English accent all day.
  • The blood contract was for marriage not literal blood!  I love that they have subverted what we expected!
  • OH FUCK!  Her parents were really going to kill her!
  • When they gave Eric the stake and he said "Give me something to kill."  I whispered "oh no Pam..." and then when the door opened and Pam was there and I knew she was going to be there... I still screamed.  I'm not proud.
  • OH FUCK SOOKIE NO!!! Don't die!  But... don't become a vampire either!
  • YES!  THEY PLAYED PEACHES SONG!
So, this episode was great.  We got sex, intellect, violence!  What more can you ask of HBO.  This season is making me so happy!  I now anxiously wait for Sunday nights, unlike last season when I groaned at every episode.