I Have No Clever Witticism: American Horror Story: The Replacements

After nearly catching up with The Originals and putting Allegiant down, I turned off all the lights (well, except the bathroom light....) and settled down for tonight's episode of AHS. I've had a tough time blogging about this show because I get SO into it, and don't have time for a second viewing, so tonight I've decided to do something a bit different and if you haven't watched the episode, read no further because honestly, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. Here is my stream of thought "live-blog" of tonight's episode. Here are my exact thoughts as I watched from beginning to end.

Why does Fiona drink and do so many drugs? Why can't she just poof herself high?
Flash back time! AHS loves flashbacks.... and a goof throat slitting.
Has anybody ever read The Witching Hour? There is a LOT of Anne Rice going on here.

YESSSSSS!!!! We finally see Dennis O'Hare getting his role! YES!!!!! I love seeing Lange and O'Hare back together again, "What's the matter cat got your tongue?"
Is it me, or are we watching this show SIDEWAYS???? Jesus! The whole scene after 1st commecial break was literally sideways. STOP WITH YOUR CAMERA NONENSENSE! Season 1 was too dark, season 2 was too blurry, season 3 FUCKING SIDEWAYS.
Fiona just needs to try Couger Life.
What the hell is wrong with Zoe... why would she visit Kyle's mom? And why is Kyle's mom a weird pierced stoner. Kyle was the perfect kid... how did she pull that off?
Sexy new boy next door does what everybody does at the beginning of a porno does... takes off his shirt. The witch-ey women get horn-ay.

Never move in next door to fucking Jessica Lange, you gunna die. Didn't you watch season 1?
PATTY LU-FUCKING-PONE.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA Bates crying over a black president is hilarious. When she turned to Fiona and hissed "LIEEEEEEESSSSS" I nearly peed myself.

Great, now for some unknown reason we get a fish eye lens. Who is directing these???
"Miss Aryian sisterhood." They wrote Emma Roberts some serious zingers.
Aaaand we are sideways again. ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE FILMING THIS DRUNK?!
YEAAAAHHHHH more fleet wood I dig this.
Awwww Kyle loves Zoe! Why are they such a great on screen couple? No matter how fucked the situation I will always root for Tate and Violent... I mean... Kyle and Zoe.
WOAH! Mysty just went all Single White Female on Kyle! Oh GOD Lily Rabe is an ACTING GODDESS... and my guess, the next supreme.
The hot new neighbor boy is dress like Adam Maitland... he's dead!
Oh Man, Patty LuPone is plaing a Jesus freak, this is going to be so good!
WOAH! Since when did Madison become Drew Barrymore in Firestarter?
Poor Cordilia... this woman's uterus just can't catch a break!
WHAT THE FUCK ZOE!! You don't DING DONG DITCH somebody's DEAD SON!! WHO DOES THAT?! Fucking Zoe.

Oh CHRIST Patty LuPone vs. Jessica Lange. I CANNOT EVEN DEAL! I CAN. NOT. DEAL.

Uh-oh, a second power for Madison.... Fiona aint guna like that.
What the hell was the Kyle slow mo shower scene?
OH LORD! I KNEW INCEST WAS COMING THE SECOND MOM SAT ON KYLE'S BED! WHY! WHY! WHY DO THEY LOVE RAPE SO MUCH?!?!?!
Wait... how does Cordelia know about Marie?
Marie's throne is AMAZING! I love that she rests her feet on a crocodile skull.
Yuck "Baby Gravy" seamen jar. No.
Good GOD is Angela Bassette gorgeous or what.