Wednesday, October 23, 2013

American Horror Story: The Replacements


After nearly catching up with The Originals and putting Allegiant down, I turned off all the lights (well, except the bathroom light....) and settled down for tonight's episode of AHS.  I've had a tough time blogging about this show because I get SO into it, and don't have time for a second viewing, so tonight I've decided to do something a bit different and if you haven't watched the episode, read no further because honestly, you will have no idea what I'm talking about.  Here is my stream of thought "live-blog" of tonight's episode.  Here are my exact thoughts as I watched from beginning to end.

  • Why does Fiona drink and do so many drugs?  Why can't she just poof herself high?
  •  Flash back time!  AHS loves flashbacks.... and a goof throat slitting.
  • Has anybody ever read The Witching Hour?  There is a LOT of Anne Rice going on here.
  • YESSSSSS!!!!  We finally see Dennis O'Hare getting his role!  YES!!!!! I love seeing Lange and O'Hare back together again, "What's the matter cat got your tongue?"
  • Is it me, or are we watching this show SIDEWAYS????  Jesus!  The whole scene after 1st commecial break was literally sideways.  STOP WITH YOUR CAMERA NONENSENSE!  Season 1 was too dark, season 2 was too blurry, season 3 FUCKING SIDEWAYS.
  • Fiona just needs to try Couger Life.
  • What the hell is wrong with Zoe... why would she visit Kyle's mom?  And why is Kyle's mom a weird pierced stoner.  Kyle was the perfect kid... how did she pull that off?
  • Sexy new boy next door does what everybody does at the beginning of a porno does... takes off his shirt.  The witch-ey women get horn-ay.
  • Never move in next door to fucking Jessica Lange, you gunna die.  Didn't you watch season 1?
  • PATTY LU-FUCKING-PONE.
  • BWAHAHAHAHAHA Bates crying over a black president is hilarious.  When she turned to Fiona and hissed "LIEEEEEEESSSSS" I nearly peed myself.
  • Great, now for some unknown reason we get a fish eye lens.  Who is directing these???
  • "Miss Aryian sisterhood."  They wrote Emma Roberts some serious zingers.
  • Aaaand we are sideways again.  ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE FILMING THIS DRUNK?!
  • YEAAAAHHHHH more fleet wood I dig this.
  • Awwww Kyle loves Zoe!  Why are they such a great on screen couple?  No matter how fucked the situation I will always root for Tate and Violent... I mean... Kyle and Zoe.
  • WOAH!  Mysty just went all Single White Female on Kyle!  Oh GOD Lily Rabe is an ACTING GODDESS... and my guess, the next supreme.
  • The hot new neighbor boy is dress like Adam Maitland... he's dead!
  • Oh Man, Patty LuPone is plaing a Jesus freak, this is going to be so good!
  • WOAH!  Since when did Madison become Drew Barrymore in Firestarter?
  • Poor Cordilia... this woman's uterus just can't catch a break!
  • WHAT THE FUCK ZOE!!  You don't DING DONG DITCH somebody's DEAD SON!! WHO DOES THAT?!  Fucking Zoe.
  • Oh CHRIST Patty LuPone vs. Jessica Lange.  I CANNOT EVEN DEAL!  I CAN. NOT. DEAL.
  • Uh-oh, a second power for Madison.... Fiona aint guna like that.
  • What the hell was the Kyle slow mo shower scene?
  • OH LORD!  I KNEW INCEST WAS COMING THE SECOND MOM SAT ON KYLE'S BED!  WHY!  WHY!  WHY DO THEY LOVE RAPE SO MUCH?!?!?!
  • Wait... how does Cordelia know about Marie?
  • Marie's throne is AMAZING!  I love that she rests her feet on a crocodile skull.
  • Yuck "Baby Gravy" seamen jar.  No.
  • Good GOD is Angela Bassette gorgeous or what.
  • OH NO DON'T SACRIFICE A GOAT!  I love goats!
  • I love that Marie Laveau is plaing solitaire on an Ipad.
  • Poor Cordilia!
  • Do these girls even do school?  Or do they just lounge around and eat all day?
  • Uh-oh is the evil bitch Madison the new supreme?
  • HOLY SHITBALLS IS THE MINOTAUR OUT THERE?!?!
  • I will admit, I shrieked.
  • Oh my Lord is Queenie about to fall for the minotaur?  Oh gosh.
  • Oh... Oh my... oh nooo noo... I... I don't think I want to... ooo...nooo...no... 
  • Oh come on Evan Peters... PLEASE TALK!
  • Oh!  Hello Tate.
  • I feel like Madison may not survive this episode....
  • Oh I was properly creeped out as Zoe walked through kyle's house.
  • Jessica Lang's cancer speech = Emmy
  • I knew Madison's murder was coming and I STILL gasped HARD.
  • Oh my God Spalding there with a tissue, I can't even!
  • "This coven doesn't need a new supreme.  It needs a new rugs"  BOOM!
Looks like next week we get even more Spaulding!  I can't WAAAIIITTTTT!