Sunday, August 11, 2013

Life Matters: True Blood Pros and Cons (SPOILERS)

Sooooo, in my humble opinion, this was the worst episode of the season.  I was hoping for an epic season finale build up and I certainly did not get that.  It was kind of boring, even with the violence the whole episode was yawn worthy.  It was one of those episodes where I waited and waited for something to happen... and nothing happened.  No, seriously, nothing happened.  And let me tell you, I took some pretty passionate notes....  most of my Pros are pretty passive aggressive and mostly just quotes.


  • "Eric took our deal and fucked it in the ass."  That kind of perfect True Blood line in the opening that gave me hope this was going to be a great episode.  I wish I could go back in time and tell the me that wrote that note not to get my hopes up.
Fucked that deal right in the ass.
  • I love how after Sookie light blasted Bill the fuck out of fairy world, she casually handed her wrist to Warlow, like she was so over feeding vampires.
  • OOOoooo yes, daylight Eric, I could get used to this.
  • OH SHIT!  Tara's mom!  Another True Blood blast from the past!  She is still a hot mess express.
  • Warlow may be an overly attached boyfriend, but the way he looks at Sookie makes my heart melt.  
  • HOYT'S MOM!  Bringing back all the True Blood mom's we forgot about, but didn't really miss.  Glad to hear Hoyt is well, though I wish he was back on the show.
  • I love that severed hands have become the access keys to all the vampires inside the Vampire Concentration camp.  I need to get in this door!  Somebody rip off a guard's arm!
  • Woah, so Eric strait up ripped that crazy ass Doctor's wanger off.  That seemed like an excessive amount of blood for a castration.  I'm going to chalk it up to femoral artery blood.  (I'M STICKING IN A GAME OF THRONES SPOILER) Theon Greyjoy, how did you feel about this scene?
  • Oh good, not only does Eric use his severed arm to open doors, he also uses it as a speaking prop to release vampires.  "Gentlemen, you are free to go!"
  • Well, smushing somebody's face like it's a rotten pumpkin is one death we haven't seen on True Blood yet.  Even though, I think should have just left the doctor alive to either slowly bleed to death of live penis-less after Eric went Lorena Bobbet on his ass... or penis as it were.
  • +1 for Andy giving us some serious hot nugget's of acting during his eulogy. 
  • I love the therapy session the freed vampires were giving the psychologist, "You are going to tell me what you did to your rabbit.  Did you hurt it?  Did you touch it?"
  • The scene between Eric and Jason was epic.  Eric- "Have I ever healed you before?"  Jason- "I don't think so."  Eric- "Well, you are in for a treat."  YEY!  ERIC AND JASON SEX DREAMS!!!!!  I don't need any of Eric's blood to have sex dreams about him, wink, wink.
  • During Sam's eulogy he says "I don't think he ever missed again."  Sookie gave the BIGGEST guilt face EVER.  GOOD!  She knows she is the worst employee ever.  Does Sam even still pay her?
  • Eric is the best part of this show.  He gives dialogue like nobody's business.
  • Lafayette's funeral lashes be fabulous.  Best eulogy ever.
  • I do have to say, I will miss Terry's goofiness.  He was so much better early in the show, I forgot how crazy he was until the flashbacks.
  • I would watch an entire episode of Lafayette making fries.
  • "I know that scream!"  IT'S GINGER!
Everybody reacting to Ginger's unique reactions.
  • I forgot how adorable Sookie was.  She used to smile and be shy and be adorable and sweet.  That flashback made me realize what a bitter betty she is now.
  • Steve Newlin's dying words "I LOVE YOU..... JASON STACKHOOOUUSSSEEEE!"
  • I know every episode is a song title, but this is the best use of a song title in the episode.
  • The cut's between Sarah and Jason's scene and the song "Life Matters" were actually really interesting and built a huge amount of emotion.  I like the direction.
  • Oh GOD I am so happy Jason didn't kill Sarah.  Don't get me wrong, I want Sarah dead, but it would be against Jason's character to do it.
  • The moment between Pam and Eric where the stared misty eyed at each other across the sunlit lot and she says "Don't you dare leave me," BROKE MY HEART!  Where is Eric going?
  • Really Sook?  You're gnawing at your own arm?!  Go get a stick or a rock or something.  What's wrong with you girl?  Use your head.
  • WTF BILL.  WHO ARE YOU NOW?!  I am starting to like you as much as I like the werewolves.
  • Side note:  Why are HBO show opening titles SO LONG?!  I mean, all of them are like, 2 minutes long.  Just get to the fucking show already.
  • Look, it's sad that Terry died but they are REAAAAAAALLLLLYYYYYYYYY dragging it out.
  • Arlene looks like she raided Lydia Deetz's closet.
  • Why is Alcide at Terry's funeral?  Did they even know each other?  He couldn't have gone to support Sookie because they have't seen each other in like 20 years.
  • Why is Sookie suddenly pining for all the men she could have banged but never did.  First Sam and now she is giving sex eyes to Alcide.  Are you afraid of commitment Sook?  Now that you have a man who love you are you freaking out?
  • This whole season Bill has giving this kind of serious anger face, and it is suddenly starting to really piss me off.  It looks like you think everything smells slightly off.
Is something burning?  It smells like something might be burning.
  • This is exactly how I wrote this note:  WHY IS THIS FUNERAL SCENE SO LONG?  WHAT IS HAPPENING!  SOMETHING GOOD BETTER FUCKING HAPPEN.  Maybe Warlow will come kill everybody.
  • Oh GOD did we really need flashbacks?  I mean, what purpose are they serving?  What important plot point are we getting here.
  • WHAT!  How the eff did Sarah Newlin survive the vampires killing LITERALLY every other person.
  • As seen in my notes:  Wait, what?  Another flashback?  NO!  NO!  WHYS IS THIS HAPPENING!
  • Uhhhhhh Why did we not see Eric's therapy session?  That would have been just as awesome as Pam's.  They should make some mini episodes of Eric's therapy session.
  • More exactly from my notes:  OK, why is this funeral so fucking long.  WHY IS PORTIA TALKING?!  WHY!  THIS BETTER BE GOOD!  THERE BETTER BE A REASON FOR THIS!
  • I was really hoping Sarah Newlin would die.  I mean, I am glad that Jason didn't kill her, but really, why is she still alive.
  • Okay, so, this Vampire Concentration Camp is the most high tech place in the world and yet it takes an old fashioned hand crank to open the skylight.  So... that's what they didn't spend money on... skylights...  special contacts, special guns, hand crank skylight.  Okay.
  • Okay, is Bill's Jesus-y pose as all the vampires fed from him was lame.  Sorry, it was lame and stupid and I hated it.
  • More from my notes:  OH GOD!  NO!  NO!  I AM OVER TERRY'S DEATH!  Don't beat a dead Terry.
  • Yeah... that was not Arlene's nipple.  Prop nipple.
  • What is with this weird hippy scene post Bill-feed?  Ring around the puddle of Steve Newlin... no.
  • How come all the vampires went full retard with Warlow's blood but Bill and Eric didn't?
  • 50:29 time stamp- Something better happen at this funeral.  Imagine my disappointment when the episode ended AND NOTHING HAPPENED!
Here's to hoping the season finale is more epic than this boring shit show.