TIS THE SEASON... To binge watch

Happy holidays internet!  Welcome to the time of year where it's cold, you just want to stay inside.  You probably have a lot of time off from work and you will definitely be needing a break from the fam.  AKA the perfect time of year to cram in TV that it took other people years to watch.  Two years ago, I spent this magical time of year holed up in my apartment binging season after season of Doctor Who until I emerged that spring a brilliant sonic screwdriver wielding bow-tie wearing Whovian butterfly.  I never looked back.  But, dear reader, what SHOULD you be binge watching?  Maybe you gave up on a great show too soon, maybe you have been told a million times you should watch something but never did or maybe your watching the American version when you are wrong and should be watching the English.  Well no matter, here are my top 5 binge watch picks for this holiday/winter season from #5 you could probably skip this but it's worth trying to #1 if you aren't watching this you will die without knowing true entertainment.  Here we go.

5. Daredevil

Okay, so this comes AFTER the holidays, but what better way to bunker down during cold January days than to watch a blind vigilante kick some ass?  The best thing is that it's on Netflix, prime binge territory, especially since every episode is being released simultaneously.  I got a chance to see some clips at Comic Con and can I just say, the action sequences were MIND BLOWING.  I love Charlie Cox as Matt Murdock, he is a great actor (even if he broke my heart on Boardwalk Empire (whats in the boooxxxx)) and with Vincent D'Onofrio as Kingpin... I mean COME ON.  I'm in.

4.  Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D

Now look, I know a lot of you out there gave up this show pretty early on, and I FEEL you, but I promise it gets better!  The show followed a rocky "there's a bad guy- find the bad guy- beat the bad guy" format, but after the release of Captain American: Winter Soldier the show got mind blowingly good.  I want to keep the spoiler free, but the repercussions for what happens in Winter Soldier change everything and the good guy vs. bad guy structure gets blown to smithereens.  So, I suggest watching Winter Soldier, then skipping the the S.H.I.E.L.D episode that follows then catch up to the season two mid-season finale.  Then you'll be good to go for the rest of season two!

3. Sherlock

Unless you have been living under a rock, it is almost impossible not to run into somebody fan-gasming over this show.  Why?  Because it's fucking awesome.  Cumberbatch and Freeman have been absolutely made for the Sherlock/Watson combo and the showrunning team of Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss (who does double duty playing the umbrella wielding Mycroft brother of Sherlock) write the perfect balance of mystery, comedy and mind blowing tragedy.  And the BEST part of binging Sherlock is that there are only 9 episodes.  That's right, 3 seasons, 9 episodes.  Each episode is an hour and a half but trust me, it doesn't feel like that.  The problem?  When you finish be prepaired for the MASSIVE hole in your life as often years go by between seasons... see you in 2015 you sexy detective, I'll be waiting.

2.  Doctor Who

Okay, this is a bit of a meaty binge.  The show has been running for over 50 years now, but the beauty of it is that you only have to start at the reboot.  Once this show gets its claws dug in you'll go back and do the research, trust me.  Now, if you have a hard to easing into the show (it can be a bit much) I suggest a watching order for you to get into it nice and slow.

• Blink- Season 3, Episode 11.   This is a very Doctor light episode, there is very little time travel, but you really get the gist of whats going on (and how dark the show can get).
• Vincent and the Doctor- Season 5, Episode 10.  This is a fan favorite episode, showing the depth of emotion the Doctor has.  Yes, there a few bits you may not understand do to the through-line of the show, but it's a pretty stand alone episode.  And it'll probably make you cry.
• The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances- Season 1, Episodes 9 & 10.  These two are probably two of my all time favorites.  A great combination of pure terror and Christmas joy make these two episodes stand out as almost a great little movie if watched in succession. 

If your not hooked after those four episodes, I don't think Doctor Who is your show.  If you get hooked, can't wait to see your beautiful Whovian butterfly wings in the spring.

1.  Orphan Black

If you are not watching this show, close this window, google it and BINGE!  NOW!  BINGE NOW!  If you have NO idea what I am talking about, be ready to get your mind BLOWN.  The show which third season starts sometime this spring, is about a group of women who are self-aware clones.  Tatiana Maslany flawlessly plays 8 clones (so far) in such a way that you forget its the same person playing each role.  Sarah Manning is sort of the main character of this multi-character drama, with her sassy gay brother at her side, she learns to grapple with her guinea-pig status being one of the worlds first successful human clones.  Oh and did I mention that all of season one somebody is spending a lot of time and effort killing them off?  Yeah it's pretty epic.  If you are a science geek, sci-fy/fantasy nerd or just plain old enjoy great acting, please please I beg of you watch this show.  Here, let me just play you a little clip of this awesome (spoiler free promise)

I hope you enjoy this holiday/winter season!  As you can tell my strongest binge suggestion is Orphan Black, if your a fan PLEASE comment begging people to watch... Maybe Tatiana will FINALLY get the Emmy she deserves!!

American Horror Story Freak Show: A Rant and a Breakdown

So last week I didn't blog out of a mix of exhaustion and frustration.  The whole thing about the shows being linked has really been bugging me.  If you wanted to link the shows 1) Don't call it a miniseries and 2) recast season to season.  Whatever.  Moving on.

I feel like this season has ZERO surprise.  Honestly, nothing has blown my mind like the big rigor mortis Violet reveal.  I feel like I can pretty much predict at least a few things that will happen.

Prediction #1

The strong man will sleep with the con artist (the Denis O'Hare one).  The writers seem to be beating us over the head with the fact that O'Hare is gay, and a good chunk of last week's episode outed the Strong man.  What's a gay con artist to do in small town Florida?  Bang the strong man.

Prediction #2

The bearded Lady's death will out the Strong Man as Jimmy's father.  Subsequently one of them will kill the other.  Anger management issues have been well established.

Prediction #3

Matt Bomer is not dead.  Let's be real, its like when a famous person guest stars on Law and Order, you know they are the killer.  It seemed odd that no amount of stabbing or dismemberment killed the poor, sexy, sexy man.  Either Dandy realized the fun in this and decided to keep a dismembered zombie for fun OR Bomer is able to Doctor Who and regenerate back to his former self.

Prediction #4

O'Hare will ultimately be undone by Edward Mordrake and Twisty.  Mordrake seems to not only kill, but care about his brethren freaks.  It's been established that O'Hare's character has some sort of FREAKY deformity down by his man parts.  My guess is that in thanks for the great Halloween sacrifice of Twisty, Mordrake will come kill the double dong O'Hare... or whatever is going on in his downstairs mixup.

*NOTE:  I have finished typing up ALL of these predictions at 9:45pm.  If any come to pass or get nullified in tonight's episode I want it noted this was written pre-show

My other biggest problem with this season is that it just isn't HORROR.  Sure Twisty and Dandy are, but they don't take up enough of the show's time for it to sink in.  The bright colors are throwing me off, they are just not well done.  Tim Burton knows how to juxtapose color with creepy, think about how freaked out most people were by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Even his circus in Big Fish was creepier than the Freak Show.  And Elsa's tent is getting more and more ridiculous by the episode.  Come on... really.  REALLY.  *sigh*.  Here is my blow by blow of tonight's episode, Bulls Eye:

• "I take that ungrateful hydra dress shopping."  What a Jessica Lange line.
• "I liked Dora better."  Well maybe slitting your throat was a bad idea.
• The alcohol bottle sucker is the scariest thing on this show.
• MARRY THEM??!??!  

Oh yeah.  Incest.

• This is how I am making my friends give me presents from now on.  EVERYBODY LINE UP!  IT'S GIFT GIVING TIME!
• They did not make prosthetic legs that good back then.  Sorry, that feels like a serious inconstancy.
• Jimmy know's something up with the twins.
• Fuck yes!  Bed room scene with Matt Fraser!!!  I really really am loving EVERYTHING about him.
• WAIT WAS THE SMALL GIRL IN THE ROOM WHEN THEY WERE FUCKING!?  What is this show?  That's not horror that just weird.

• Oh DAYUM PAUL IS GETTING ALL THE ACTION!  Elsa, Meryl Streep's daughter.
• This bitch is ALWAYS happy.  Get real Bette.
• Dot looks like she is always 3 seconds away from murder.
• What the fuck, Dot is one sick bitch.  Killing her sister, fuck.
• If Matt Fraser is in next season I may consider watching.
• Somebody just kill Dandy.  He went from scary to annoying right quick.
• I HATE these imaginings of the con artists.
• Great,  Another fucking song.  At least this one is period.
• Is anybody else finding this episode super boring?
• "Even your sister didn't want you anymore."  Pepper allegedly murdered her sisters baby.  Connection.
• Elsa deserves an academy award.
• Trust me by letting me throw knives at you!

• This is going to be bad.  I am more nervous because I know what's going to happen than I am scared.
• Saw that coming.
• That moment you realize tonight's show is 13 minutes longer.  I have to sit through 13 more minutes.

• Wait, O'Hare is making her do this by herself!??!!
• That CGI smoke was ridiculous.
• How the hell many days is Elsa's birthday?
• "If Elsa says the twins ran aufff the the twins ran aouuuufff."  That accent.
• Dandy is yelling again and I have checked out.
• Is it me or does Jimmy look weirdly tan.  Like he is wearing too much makeup.
• IS THIS EPISODE THE FUCKING STORY HOUR?!?  WE KNOW YOU ALL HAD SAD LIVES I GET IT.
• Whoever applied Kathy Bates beard was not prepared for HD closeups.

And its over. 

AHS: Edward Mordrake... Part 2

*Sigh*  Another 2 parter just like Anne Frank during Asylum.  This show needs a totally fresh cast... and maybe a new show runner.  What to look forward to tonight?  Hopefully some more Twisty as that is the only plot I can get behind.  What not to look forward to in tonight's episode?  Whatever tragically out of place musical number Murphy has added to torture me with.  That's right.  I now take these musical numbers personally.  *SIIIIIGGHHH*  Here we go...

• What in Sweet baby Jesus' name is Wes Bently's accent

• I like the idea of hearing every "freak's" back story.
• Mat Fraser is AWESOME.  I would like to see him in another season, he is an AWESOME actor.
• I guess we are not going to hear about how Pepper drowned a baby?
• I'm confused... is Jessica Lange considered a freak by Mordrake?
• "It is your delusional ignorance" oh SNAP.  You do not talk to Miss Lange like that you fool.
• Oh snap, is "Esmeralda" going to get killed by Mordrake for being a liar liar pants on fire?
• I keep forgetting Twisty is capturing kids... I didn't realize he wasn't feeding them.  Didn't the girl have gruel?
• Twisty's physicality is amazing.

• That girl just strait up kicked some ass,
• AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH WHAT CAN BE SCARIER THAN BEING CHASED BY THAT
• Evan Peters and beau go to save the day?
• Woah!  HBO sex
• Who needs botox when there is CGI
• RITCHY RICH!  OH FUCK!  EVAN!!!!! 
• Wait... why have we not heard the giant woman's story.  IS SHE GOING TO END UP DEAD????  omg I hope not I love her.
• "I made men ejaculate gold."
• Is Lange about to be snuff filmed???
• THIS IS HORROR STORY!  THIS IS THE MOST HORRIFYING THING THEY HAVE DONE
• "She's the one."  It's a bit early for Lange to part.
• What.  Is.  Happening.
• YES!  We are going to hear Twisty's story!
• I am guessing the mouth is an attempted/botched suicide or somebody tried to kill him.
• Why is "Esmeralda"being so helpful?  I thought she was a cold hearted con artist.
• Im not gunna comment here, I need to know this.
• This story is BREAKING my HEART

Watching him talk in that sad little voice though that gaping hole BROKE me

• I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• NO!!!!!!!! TWISTY! YOU WERE THE BEST PART OF THIS SHOW.
• fuck,
• They did it again.  They ended he best story line too soon.  Just like the demon in Asylum,
• Gross that mask is filthy.

• You stand on your soap box Lobster Boy, you tell them bout Meep.
• Until I saw her pouring coffee... I forgot about Angela Bassett
• Aw look, all the people heard about what Jimmy did and accept him.  Gooble Gobble.
• Honestly I am really upset this isn't the last episode.  THIS is the AHS problem, they end it perfectly 7 episodes too soon and then have a season to finish.  Without Twisty, this season is useless.
• I smell a musical number coming.  Great.
• Now that Ritchy Rich is "Twisty" he can kill I bet.
• And boom goes the dynamite.

I am calling this the BEST/WORST episode.  If this was the season finally and there weren't 200 extaneous plots, this would have been the best AHS episode, second only to the Violet reveal season 1.  But now.  AHS has to take things to far and end things too soon.  The snuff film and Twisty bits were true horror.  I was creeped out, which isn't easy.  But with Twisty gone, Dandy will NOT be able to fill those shoes.  I just don't care about any of these characters or plots that are left.  Oh American Horror Story, you done screwed the pooch again.  I shall begrudgingly finish the season.  Thank GOD there was no musical number.

AHS: Edward Mordrake

Edward Mordrake eh?  What an interesting title/character... JUST LIKE SEASON TWO'S ANNE FRANK EPISODES.  GAH!  This show just lives to irk me and I love to let it.  Okay, Anne Frank is an extremely iconic figure (who probably shouldn't have been touched in the first place), but in the history of "freaks" Mordrake is a well known figure.  For anybody who doesn't know, Mordrake is a famous "freak" who appears to be more urban legend that actual fact.  According to the story, Mordrake, a young handsome heir to some title or other had a second face on the back of his head.  This second head apparently whispered evil things to Mordrake who eventually committed suicide.  This "actual historical figure" this just feels a lot like something AHS has already done.

Edward Mordrake

In other news, here are my theories on Twisty.

1. He used to work at the Freak show and due to some terrible tragedy he either was shot in the face or tried to commit suicide,
2. He is Lange's son and whatever destroyed her legs (my thoughts bombs in Berlin during WWII) destroyed his face.

Anyhow, it's just started raining.  What perfect timing!  Time to settle down and watch.

• Little Roberts is back!  But more importantly DENNIS O'HARE IS BACK!!!!!!!

• Video killed the Freak show.  Guess people would rather watch Ed Sullivan.
• Remember last year when O'Hare was doing naughty things to Roberts corpse?  Yeahhhh I really do stay by my belief tht next year should have a completely rebooted cast.
• Oh God his little girl is already afraid of clowns, that's like the scariest of them all.
• Is this "Trick or Treat" scene reminding anybody else of Hocus Pocus

• FYI somebody wrote an article about Bates weird accent
• Aw the Doctor is so sweet to the Bearded Lady.
• "I'm not crying because I'm gunna die, I'm crying cuz your the one doctor to treat me with respect."  *heart breaks*
• So, no freak performs on Halloween just like in season 1 ghosts could leave the house.  
• How did Mordrake get a knife??
• FYI this is a totally different than the Mordrake story I've heard.
• Hey Kathy, I can see your lace front.  Sort that out hair and makeup.

• That's a damn good Woody Woodpecker Patti Labelle
• Uh-oh Patti I would not piss Ritchie Ritch off.
• Poor Meep :(
• Aw, Roberts and Peters are real life lovvahhss.  Wonder if that will play into this season.
• Oh thank God the "head removal" between Dot and Bette is just a dream.  I was worried.
• "I was having the most beautiful dream" what the actual FUCK Dot.
• The fortune telling scene where Roberts "reads her mark" was very interesting
• I love that Elsa is rocking a kimono while smoking opium.
• Angela Bassatt you are EVERYTHING

• I wasn't sure if she was jerking off her boy parts or her husbands.
• "You've got a beard for starters."  That's pretty mild for considering you went to 3 titties and a weenie.
• Why is this a plot?  I do not car about the strong man and the bearded lady.  This is way too long a scene.
• OMG the smallest girl scaring the tallest girl is the most ADORABLE scene I have ever seen.
• Oh God, Ritchie Ritch dressed as a clown is gunna kill LaBelle!!!
• Why do people taunt killers?
• The way "Esmeralda" wouldn't touch lobster boy's hand.
• Oh DAYUM son O'Hare is channeling Russell Edgington.

• Jimmy's rage seems to be the most over the top thing in the world.
• So... I guess O'Hara is a bit of a freak himself?  Double dong?
• This poor little girl is so afraid of clowns... but I am sorry that clown HAS to smell bad.  You have GOT to smell him before you see him.
• Soooo Dot is a total D-Bag.  Good for Sarah Paulson, she gets to go less screaming and hysterical crying this year.
• ....another...fucking...out of time tune.  THERE ISNT EVEN AN AUDIENCE.  GOD I HATE YOU RYAN MURPHY!!!!!!!!!  This actually makes me want to stop watching.

Even Tumblr. agrees

• So even though Esmerelda isn't real, Mordrake comes in all tall dark and handsome with a serious hard on for Elsa?  I'm calling it now, Kathy Bates ends up dead after this 2 episode arc.  You know what else had a two episode arc?  Anne Frank during Asylum.
• Oh shit, ANOTHER WEIRD ACCENT.  WTF IS THIS EDWARD MORDRAKE ACCENT??
• Why am I watching the trial of two weird accents?
• Ok so it isn't Kathy Bates... is it Dot?  The freak who doesn't want to be?
• Honestly, Ritchie Ritch is scarier than Twisty.

So that's it.  I'm so mad at Ryan Murphy I have no more to say.

Gotham: A freshman show with a few problems

When Fox announced the Gotham, naturally I was curious.  I've never been a DC fan, but I've always  enjoyed watching Batman in media.  I grew up watching the 1960s Batman on reruns, I adored both of Tim Burton's Batman movies and finally Christopher Nolan's brilliant Dark Night trilogy.  I'm skipping over every Batman movie in between because I either didn't see it or hated it.  Anyway, I would not call myself a Batman expert, I've never read a comic, I don't obsess over it at random times (like I would with Doctor Who or something) but I enjoy the character and his villains.  So I knew I would watch.  I am now 5 episodes and and I am struggling to keep watching, but I have a rule to give everything one season.  Initially, I wasn't a fan of Sleepy Hollow, I was going to cut it loose and then got slammed with a brilliant season finale.  I would now count myself a fan of the show.  So, I decided to boil down my unease with Gotham into what I would consider three glaring issues.  If some of them are resolved end of season, I would be happy to come back as a season 2 viewer.

Are you Campy or are you Serious?

Gotham seems to be unsure of whether it wants to go 1960s camp or super serious Christopher Nolan.  There seems to be a huge disparity between the violence and the goofy almost slapstick moments.  We get very silly comedy with over the top brawl scenes at the GCPD station, the bumbling cop moments (well performed by Donal Logue), the cartoonish-ly villainous villains (I'm look at you Jada trying to channel Eartha Kitt and failing) mixed with some serious gang drama, over the top scenes of violence and a very stoic James Gordon who seems to be the only close to real life character on the show.  So what are you?  Am I supposed to take you super seriously as a prime time drama or am I supposed to roll my eyes and go "oh you" as people are murdered via weather balloon?  Seriously, I'm not sure, I am a very confused viewer.

I think the biggest issue here may be the Gotham's time slot.  You can't get away with things at 8pm that you can at 10 pm.  Actually, Gotham may have been better suited on something like HBO that would allow the optimal amount of sex and violence the show feels like it needs to be taken seriously.  I was actually shocked when Fox announced the 8pm slot.  Kids watch TV at 8 pm.  Maybe that's the reason for the camp-factor on the show, but it doesn't appeal to me as a viewer.  I want all or nothing, if you want to be campy, that's fine just immerse the show in it.  Otherwise, cut the camp and give me gritty drama, but this weird mixture leaves me feeling torn on how I felt each episode.

Too may characters and teases

If your a writer on a show, you should write knowing that you could have many seasons ahead of you!  Heck, if you do well on network, you can expect early renewals and hopefully the promising life of hitting at least the 100 episode mark.  Yet in the pilot alone, the show has introduced and teased SO many of the villains in the Batman universe it almost got frustrating.  Especially since we have seen so little of anybody but the Penguin (which is fine with me he is brilliant but I will get back to that).  In the pilot alone we met:

• The Wayne's murderer 
• Catwoman
• The Pengiun
• Poison Ivy (who got a name change)
• Fish Mooney
• The Riddler
• Carmine Falcone

On top of that, it looks like they will be teasing Scarecrow next week.  Gotham, clam your tits.  I know you are trying to show the beginning of a universe, but there is no reason to dangle juicy bits in front of us only to take them away.  There are a LOT of Batman villains, plus the ones you've added that don't originate in the world of the comics.  Lets stick to one history lesson at a time.  I am happy to watch the story arc of the Penguin and the gangs of Gotham without the little peppered in moments with Nigma and Kyle.  And where the hell did Poison Ivy go?  She was in the pilot, she even got her own poster!  This is what happens when you bombard nerds with things.  We ruminate.  Meanwhile, we are getting this huge young Bruce Wayne plot, but I never expected to see that.  Not to mention the 10 year old is way too smart for a kid who doesn't seem to go to school or receive any sort of schooling at all.  All I ask is that you pare it back a bit.  To be honest, all anybody wants to see is the Joker, but I think that's a character that can really wait.  Let us have some time to munch on these other characters first.

Seemingly unnecessary plot lines

Also, why does Gordon live behind a clock face?  

Gotham is has some extremely heavy handed, complicated plot lines in place.  The show really doesn't need anything more than the episodic plots, layered with the serialized "the mob runs Gotham" plot.  But adding in extraneous plots have made the show feel choppy.  The story arc I have the biggest problem with is the Barbara Kean/Detective Montoya plot.  It is such a thin story it feels like the writers are struggling to keep it interesting.  Montoya's character is cartoonish-ly hateful of Gordon, though she has no actual proof of anything.  It seems they are trying to chalk it up to her past relationship with Barbara, but seriously?  That's like, stalker territory.  Thankfully that plot was missing from last night's episode, but I am sure it will come back.  Lucky us.

The other plot I'm finding irksome is the Fish Mooney/Liza plot.  I like the idea of that story, but we spent a LOT of time focusing on Fish teaching Liza.  The scenes were awkward, and Liza's motives are utterly unclear as she doesn't seem to give a shit about anything.  I'm interested to see where it goes, but I really hope they speed it up because it felt like it was rolling along at a snails pace.

Now, to talk about the one thing Gotham has absolutely gotten right.  Casting Robin Lord Taylor as the Penguin was a stroke of PURE GENIUS.  I nearly gave up on the show after episode 2, but I just knew I would miss the Penguin.  They could do whole episodes around this Professor Quirrell type character and I would be fine.  The show could be called "The Penguin" for all I cared.  I love everything about him, the wobbly way he walks, the oddly formal way he talks, give me all Penguin all the time.  Honostly, he really is the one anchor holding me to the show, I just want to watch Taylor perform because whatever he is doing he is doing RIGHT.

So those are my thoughts, feel free to comment especially if you disagree!

AHS FREAK SHOW: Massacres and Matinees

I'm back people!  I meant to blog about episode 1, but it was the day before Comic Con here in NY and I was focused on conserving energy.  So, American Horror Story Freak Show.  Probably the most excited I've been since finishing season one.  If you've followed my blog on the previous AHS iterations, you would know I have been disappointed since Murder House.  I didn't mind Coven, but it's ending was heart-wrenchingly disappointing.  But a FREAK SHOW, oh the possibility!  Anybody who knows me, knows that I am obsessed with the Freak Show culture.  I have books, the movie Freaks is one of my favorites, I've gone to the Coney Island Freak Show, the musical Sideshow is top 15 on my favorite musicals list, are you getting the gist?  When the announcement came out, I was going off the walls with excitement, but I had one big fear.  I didn't want AHS to make the Horror come from the "freaks" because that is not where the fear should come from.  What we should fear is how awful able bodied people could be to those who are different.  But I have to stand up and applaud Ryan Murphy for casting actual disabled people in the show and not only relying on special effects and makeup.

Now we are one episode deep and it's still way to early to tell, but I'm going to give you a quick pro/con list.

Pros:

• Dot and Bette.  I didn't think that effect would work, but damn son.
• The throw backs to the movie Freaks... just dont go too far an flat out copy it.
• The overall look of the show.  The colors contrasted with the darkness, perfect for the creep show vibe.
• Jessica Lange playing something other than a bitchy overpowering woman.
• The big reveal of Jessica Lange's missing legs.
• THAT MOTHERFUCKING TERRIFYING FUCKING CLOWN.  That was SCARY and AMAZING and exactly what this show should be

Cons:

• How quickly it was revealed Dot and Bette actually killed their mother.
• That weird fingering lady party... that was gross.
• Kathy Bates accent.
• The really sudden and obviously set up for the season murder of that detective.
• How much time they focused on Bette and Dot even though their story didn't seem to go anywhere after an hour and a half.
• The obvious problem of TOO MANY CHARACTERS again
• And this last one, listen people, its very important:  RYAN MURPHY YOU SON OF A BITCH.  THIS IS NOT GLEE.  DO NOT PUT AND ENTIRE SONG WITH A DREAM SEQUENCE IN.  THIS.  IS.  NOT.  GLEE.  I actually watched the scene and said "Oh?  are we going to hear the whole... yeah she is going to sing the whole song.

Over all, I wasn't bowled over by episode 1, but the clown is worth watching.  And now, for my live blog of episode 2.  You people ready?  Here we go:

• I still don't get why lobster boy killed the detective.  Just because he accused the twins of a murder the did commit?  

• How does Elsa have such a bitchin' tent when they have no money?
• God Dot and Bette really are a cool effect.
• Empty creepy toy shop.  Never a good sign.
• Anybody remember the movie "Toys"?  Bloody robot foot prints is too cheesy, even for me.
• GAH THAT GOD DAMN CLOWN
• I think this may be my favorite opening.  I am trying to pay close attention to it, Murphy hinted there were hidden secrets in the opening, much like the Coven opening showing that Sarah Paulson's character would be supreme.  I'll have to keep and eye on tumblr.  Those guys and gals always have the best theories.
• "Kill the copper" sounds a LOT like "Gooble Gobble."  Watch out or your going to have to give the movie Freaks a lot more credit.
• This whole "Woops, I killed a cop" and "its okay he said we were freaks" convo seems a little ridiculous.  They really rushed this whole murder plot.  Did they open the show with a shark jump?
• Did Francis Conry get a new accent since the first episode?
• IS RITCHIE RICH DRINKING A BOOZE FROM A NIPPLE?!?!

• Uh oh is Ritchie Rich also a serial killer?  Choppin' up cats doesn't look so good.
• Oh great.  More characters.  Just what this show doesn't need.  Even if one of them has got Tig-ol-Biddies.
• What is in Angela Bassett's water?  She is fabulous.
• Oh, good.  Another murder.  Just what this show needs.  Is this going to be a "like father like son" thing?
• Three titties AND a ding-a-ling.  How exciting.

• I love how when Francis Conroy asks Murder Clown if he does parties he gives a look like "Is this bitch serious?"
• This show jumps from plot to plot quicker that a kid with ADHD hopped up on sugar.
• What the hell is this rich boy character.  I don't understand why this is happening.
• I get scared literally every time that clown is on screen.
• WHAT IS KATHY BATES WEIRD ACCENT?!
• Wow... young Kathy Bates looked nothing like Bates has ever looked in her life.
• OMG That Bette is SO CUTE.  Even if she did slit her Mother's throat.
• I hate that Dot is falling in love with Lobster Boy because I feel like he is going to turn out to be a real ass hat.
• Evan Peters, why do you have to be such a cutie patootie.  I love your handsome face.
• Holy fuck these play room scenes with the clown and Ritchie Rich are going to kill me.  I think even the clown is freaked out
• Why is Pepper on this show?  Don't get me wrong, it's a great character, but the through line of the show now makes NO sense, especially since the same actors are in Asylum with her.

• Talk about Daddy issues... wait does Lobster Boy even know Strong Man his is daddy?  This seems unclear.
• Something is also painfully sad about Killer Clown whose name is apparently Twisty.
• HOLY FUCK THAT MOUTH!  Oh that make up was fantastic, I want to see it again, rewind.
• So, Ritchy Rich is some kind of psycho.
• "See where he's got you billed?"  "He's got to go."
• Who plays the Geek?  Can somebody find that out for me?  He looks like the actor from Doctor Who's "Tooth and Claw."
• NO.  NO.  THIS IS NOT GLEE.  STOP.  STOP THIS.  THIS SONG IS NOT FROM THE TIME PERIOD AND THERE WERE NO MOSH PITS THEN.  NO.  NO.  NO.  I AM ENRAGED.  RYAN MURPHY YOU ARE THE STEVEN MOFFAT OF AMERICAN TV.
• ARE WE GOING TO HEAR THIS WHOLE SONG???
• Is this an hour and a half again?  I have to go to bed.
• I smell a frame up job
• Oh snap, a double betrayal.

• Oh sure, blame the Geek.  Just cuz he bites heads off chickens.
• OMG.  This is TOO awful, I feel SO BAD for this poor guy.  Heart BROKEN.
• Jessica Lange up to her old bitchy ways.  Turning Bette against Dot.
• There is no way Bette thinks killing Dot is an option.
• It's after 11!  We can say Shit now!
• OH NO!  POOR MEEP!  Episode 2 and Im already heart broken.  Meep is exactly the kind of horror story I am looking for with Freak Show.  People who don't understand are the monsters.

This would have been a great episode, but nooooooo they had to go and put in a weird unrealistic untrue to the time musical number in.  Ugh.  Next week's Halloween episode has potential, but if there is another weird musical number ima be pissed.

The 12th Doctor: Math wiz?

So, it's been a while since I've blogged, work/play/life has been getting in the way as they are want to do.  First off let me say, BRAVO on the Peter Capaldi casting.  I don't seem to be going through the same "who is this guy and why should I like him" thing that I've gone through with every regeneration (yes including Tennant, how can I trust a doctor who cant get out of a coma?)  He opened his Scottish accented mouth and I say "Yes."  This sort of acerbic, scathingly funny doctor is a welcome change from two back to back goofy charmers.  Not that 12 isn't charming, he is just charming in a "I'd always like to be on his good side" kind of way.  I just adore him!  He even elevated my opinion of Clara, now that she isn't the doe eye puppy love of 11.  She actually is developing a personality beyond being in love with the Doctor.

Kinda TARDIS-y?

Alright, enough Capaldi love, time to get to the meat of this thing.  We are already getting lots of hints about the over all story arc here, the connection to the mysterious Missy and the promise land/paradise/heaven.  Speculating on it this too early would be pointless, but my favorite theory is that Missy is a TARDIS.  But I don't want to speculate too much as Doctor Who tends to absolutely pull the rug out from under its fans (River Song is Melody Pond?!)  What I am more interested in is 13's relationship with his past and time.

That time the Doctor went all Beautiful Mind of us

In one of the billion interviews Calpaldi has done promoting this new incarnation, he offhandedly said that his Doctor has a "unique relationship with time."  This is the most interesting nugget of information we've gotten from the tight lipped Scott.  We see in his very first episode "Deep Breath" 12 is sprawling some Galifreyan math all over the damn floor after sniffing out some chalk.  Chalk the presumably was planted by Missy, because why would their be chalk in a bedroom.  So far in every episode that has proceeded "Deep Breath" we have seen some sort of chalk board covered in strange markings.  What is the Doctor doing?  What does all of this math mean.  Certainly Moffat wouldn't keep showing these images without some kind of purpose.  That sly devil always has a purpose!  Also, is it just me or is this doctor the best at flying the TARDIS.  With the exception of is Glasgow screw up, he seems to be getting Clara exactly where she wants/needs to be.  Does this have something to do with the Doctors new interest in theory?

Beyond 12's beautiful mind math, time seems to be catching up with him in all sorts of odd ways.  First off- the face.  The Doctor knows he has seen this face before.  Because he has.  In Pompeii.  The Scottish accent, apparently taken from Amy Pond, his old companion and final hallucination before regeneration.  The clockwork robots connected to the Madame Du Pompadour ship 10 came across in "The Girl in the Fire Place."  And was it me or did that crack in the Dalek look strikingly like the crack in Amy's bedroom???  Could this have something to do with 11 entering his own time stream?  Is the new regeneration cycle messing with the Doctor's time line?  And isn't it interesting that he finds himself once again with his good old friends Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax who he spent quite a lot of time with as 11?  Speaking of those three, would somebody just GIVE them a spin-off already?  Seriously we all want it.

So what do YOU think?  What is going on with the Doctor and this whole new Timey Wimey craziness?  Whats with the Galifreyan theorems, the new face, the Scottish accent, the reoccurring characters?  WHAT IS HAPPENING!

American Horror Story Finale: The Seven Wonders

So I read a cool theory on tumblr about who the next supreme may be.  Apparently, when Sarah Paulson's (Cordilia) name pop's up on the opening credits, the picture that appears next to it is a saint known in Folk Catholicism as "The Lady of Seven Powers".  Would they really be so bold as to hang this in front of us since DAY ONE?  Yes.  They probably would.  I had wondered in my last blog why Cordelia had counted herself out as the next supreme... maybe she shouldn't have?

Since the beginning of this blog, I insisted that Misty would be the next supreme.  I don't think I'm right, they will probably throw us a curve ball, like the baby Laveau stole is the new supreme.  You know it won't be something simple.  Probably they're all going to die.  I mean, die die, not die but then come back 10 time die.  Welp here it goes, last live blog of coven:

• The camera was tiled for the entirity of this show.
• Oh... wait... Am I watch a music video from the early 90s?  Because that's kind of what this feels like.
• Wait, did Stevie Nicks write a song for this show?  I'm not that familiar with her stuff.

• RYAN MURPHY.  STOP TRYING TO MAKE THIS GLEE.  
• Awww, Queenie is reaching out to Nan.
• Myrtle Snow, you ate SHIT and loved it, now you are serving caviar.
• REALLY!  REALY?!  A LAST SUPPER TABLEAU?  REALLLLYYYY?!?  You can't have a nice conversation like that.
• Why is Misty even still there?  The witch hunters are gone, she isn't running from anybody.
• They ALL grabbed KNIVES last week to kill the jazzman.  We know they can do this.
• What was the actual point of Zoe's killer vagina?
• HEY QUEENIE STOP HITTING YOURSELF!
• Bahahaha Evan Peter's face is HILARIOUS during mind control.

• WHAT THE HELL!  SINCE WHEN CAN CORDELIA DO THAT?!?! SHE JUST FLUNG KYLE ACROSS THE DAMN ROOM!
• That is one impressive time turner... night night girls... don't die.  Again.  Well for some of you.

• Cordilia looks like a mobster's wife.

• Ladies, Queenie has done this already.
• OHHHHHHHH DIG AT THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!!!  

• Ooooh I love Tassia's whiny cry.
• Aw, Misty is so sweet, she is just a good girl who got caught up in this nonsense.
• Uh-oh.  I think Misty may be dead meat.
• NOOOO MISTY!!!!! I WAS SO WRONG! NOOOOOOO NOOO!!!!!!!!!!  Wow was I off base.
• OHHH Zoe is a transmuting biotch.
• Aww they look they are actually having FUN playing transmu-tag.
• Oh gosh.  ZOE!!!  WITHOUT MISTY WHO WILL SAVE HER???
• AW MAN!  Queenie is trying so hard to save her!
• If Madison is supreme I am OUT.
• AW KYLE!  I just want Evan Peters to LOVE me!!
• Oh man, did Tumblr get it RIGHT?!
• IS CORDELIA MAKING QUEENIE EXERCISE?!?!? BWAHAHAHAHAHA
• Cordelia dies, boom commercial break.  You KNOW she is going to see all the people who really died on this show.
• Damn, Cordie is smooth.
• "Who knew the test came with braille"
• Uh-oh Madison can't divine.
• Bye bye Madison.  You will not be missed.
• Kyle is gunna kill this bitch sooooo hard.
• "You're not that good an actress."  Best kill line ever.
• Is it weird that Evan Peters is killing his real life fiance?
• Wait... can't it still be Zoe?  She never finished the seven wonders, she died by accident.
• YES! PREVIEW FOR BATES MOTEL!!!!!!
• Annnnd Madison is dead again.
• AHHHHH SPALDING!  Why you so creepy?!  Even as a ghost!  With your doll hand and mumble mouth.
• Wait, why can Kyle see Spalding?
• Cordie has her EYES back!
• The camera spinning is making me sick.
• Wasn't this EXACTLY how last season ended?  Sarah Paulson getting interviewed?

• So your saying, being a witch is like being gay.  Got it.
• Well, I was annoyed with Cordelia all season, but suddenly I love her.
• OH GOSH!  Is Myrtle going to KILL Cordelia??? 
• WAIT MYRTLE WANTS TO BE KILLED???
• Well, I guess if you're going to go out, you better be fucking fabulous when you do it.  
• This is just murder again, how does this resolve anything?
• Did Myrtle just scream "Balenciaga"?
• Did they cut Zoe's speech?  She had one in the preview...

• Also... what was the point of casting Patti Lupone... she was hardly in it and didn't even SING.
• Look at all the witches!  This place is going to be like Hogwarts!
• Would you really trust Queenie or Zoe?  They are both backstabbing biotches.
• Well DAMN, Mama's still alive!
• If this is a TWIST ending where Cordelia is killed by Fiona.  Ugh.
• How did Fiona deteriorate so quickly?
• Fiona:  A better actress then Madison.
• THIS IS HOW FIONA KILLED MADISON THE FIRST TIME!
• I do not trust this "weak" Fiona.  I am waiting for the twist.
• A neck snap maybe?
• WAS THIS ALL A DREAM BECAUSE FUCK THAT.
• Oh, whew, she's just in hell.... or heaven?  Nope, hell, she dead.
• Ew, did Kyle just become Spalding?
• I want all of the hats on this show.
• Was this show just a long commercial for Stevie Nicks new album???

This season had so much potential but I think it fell a bit short with its repetition and large cast.  So many plot lines fell by the wayside as nothing more than filler.  In my opionion, NOTHING has lived up to season 1... but this came close.  Some teasers for next season started leaking... either AHS Carnival or Circus which would be BOSS!  It's probably a huge hoax but I LOVE THE IDEA OF A FREAK SHOW!  ONE OF US GOOBLE GOBBLE!  Because I want it so much its probs fake.